Confidently You

Category: Confidence

  • Knowing the people you surround yourself with – Self-acceptance rule

    Knowing the people you surround yourself with – Self-acceptance rule

    Yes, gorgeous, knowing the people you surround yourself with is a self-acceptance rule.

    You’re probably asking how self-acceptance relates to the people you surround yourself with. Well, let me enlighten you.

    One of the factors that make us who we are today is the people we surround ourselves with. As you have learned from my previous blog post, “Why is Self-Acceptance a path worth taking“. I shared that learning about self-acceptance also gives you a better understanding of others. This means knowing the people you surround yourself with.

    These people are your loved ones. Your family. Friends. Partner. Co-worker. Basically, the people who are within your network. The same people who we tend to ask for advice for any life decisions that we have to make.

    You know that moment when you wanted to become a singer, yet your parents want you to work in the medical field?

    In moments when you are tired of your job and you wanted to quit. Yet a good friend of yours tells you that there are no other jobs better than what you have. Why quit?

    Or when you started a business or become an entrepreneur, yet someone close to you says, it’s a scam. Another person would say, don’t do it, you are taking away your fixed income.

    Now, I am not here to say that these people are there to crush your dreams. Or these people are bad for you. Far from that! What I want you to learn from this post are:

    • These people respond based on their mindset, not yours
    • These people may not see the vision that you have
    • They can hinder you from doing what will make you happy

    This is why the title of this blog post is “knowing the people you surround yourself with”. I wanted to share how I’ve learned to analyze the people I surround myself with to use it to my own advantage.

    Remember the quote…

    You cannot change the people around you but you can change the people around you.

    -anonymous

    Such a mind puzzle right? It means that you cannot change the people around you right now. But you can change the people you surround yourself with. So, if you know the people you surround yourself with, you will know how to react around them. Let’s dive in.

    Knowing the people you surround yourself with

    People who are negative Nancy

    I hate to break it to you but being around these types of people is not inspiring. Those people always talk negatively about everything. Regardless of what activity you’re doing. Cooking. Watching a movie. Relaxing by the beach. These are the type of people who always have something to complain about. Again, you cannot change the people around you, but you don’t need to be around them all the time.

    You see, it’s so easy to focus on the negative all the time. News feeds us negative stories. Unfortunate events. Which can result in anxiety and fears. Now, if you can choose the data you consume, well you can also choose the people to gather data from.

    I am not saying to stop seeing these people. I am challenging you to spend less time with them and analyze how much change it is in your own personal emotions. Try it! I’ve done this and all I felt was… peace.

    People who do not agree with your vision

    Again, I’m not telling you to kick these people out of your life. I would just recommend finding the people who have the credentials to share your vision. Let me give you an example. When you are sick, you would go to a doctor and use their expertise to treat you correct? If you want to lose weight, you would go to a fitness guru or a trainer to help you with it. It’s the same concept with everything else in your life.

    Qualify the people whom you will share your vision with. If you want to quit your job and get a better one, confide with people who are doing the job that you want. Or the people who have done the same leap that you plan to do. If your goal is to start your own business, do not ask your uncle who does not have any experience. Ask the person who has done it or the person who is currently in the transition of starting a business.

    The people who have experience and knowledge about the path that you wanted to take will understand you in starting that journey. Trust me, a lot of them would even help you with it.

    People who drain your energy

    Do you know people whom when you spend time with them for a few minutes? Or for a short period of time. And you feel drained?

    Disclaimer, these are not your kids. I know you have to chase them around. Care for them and make sure that they stay alive. That is not the type of feeling drained that I am talking about.

    Go ahead, sit down and reflect on the times when you are around people and analyze how you felt after. You will realize what I mean. Now, again there is nothing wrong with hanging out with these people but you have to give yourself boundaries.

    If you keep hanging out with these people, you will end up with an empty cup. And you cannot give anything back with an empty cup.

    So there you have it, knowing the people you surround yourself with. Analyzing and realizing how these three types of people can affect my day-to-day activities and emotions, helped me become more intentional with whom I spend my time.

    I challenge you to do the same analysis and apply the recommendation given. And I would love to get your input about this post by commenting below.

  • Impeccable reasoning behind the question, “Why not You?”

    Impeccable reasoning behind the question, “Why not You?”

    Why not you? In this blog post, I wanted to give you the impeccable reasoning behind the question, why not you?

    It is my greatest dream to write a book that will make an impact on a lot of people. And I’ve decided that the title of my first book will be, “Why not you?”.

    “Why”, you ask?

    “Because why not?”

    Think about this for a second. Sometimes, when you see something that you want to do. Something that you’re really interested in. The first thing you do is talk yourself out of it.

    You may not agree with me, but let me give you an example.

    Seeing beautiful pictures on social media. This gives you the desire to travel there too. Yet, the first thing that comes to mind is, “I don’t have the money”. You just talked yourself out of it.

    Robert Kiyosaki explained the difference between a winner and loser mindset. The winner mindset finds out a way to solve the problem. The loser mindset, states the problem and stops there. A little harsh but sometimes, we do need some tough love.

    So, using the same example above, if you wanted to travel, “why not?”

    You are probably rolling your eyes at me as you read this. But let me explain with the following reasons below.

    The reasoning behind the question, “Why not You?”

    • You have a burning desire to do it, why not you?
    • You’re capable of doing it
    • Your will to learn and take action will help you
    • Other people have the same fears, yet still, did it, so why not you?

    You have a burning desire to do it

    Going back to the same example above, you have a burning desire to travel.

    Yes, yes, I get it, money is the problem. But you can save money though right?

    In my blog post, “You are what you are meant to be”, I used Eleanor Rooseve’ts words. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. So, in that sense, if you are letting money stop you from doing what you want to do. Then you are giving it consent to make you feel inferior.

    Knowing you, you are more capable than that. This leads us to the next reason behind the question, “why not you?”

    You’re capable of doing it

    Like me, I am confident that you know within you that you are capable. And you can apply this to any aspect of your life. You don’t give yourself enough credit though.

    I wanted you to stop for a second and reflect on every hardship. Every struggle. Even the problems that you never thought you will never get out of. You got through them. Think about that. If you were capable of going through those problems, struggles, and trials. What is different from what you are facing now? It’s just another problem, right?

    I saw this movie yesterday called, The Grayman on Netflix. Ryan Gosling was the main actor there, as a trained assassin. He used the phrase, “It’s just another Thursday”, to give Claire (actress in the movie), assurance that everything will be okay. An impeccable mindset to have before he faces his opponent.

    I plan to apply that in my life whenever I feel stuck. It’s just another Thursday. Just like, it’s just a regular day. Then figure out how to solve the problem.

    And guess what? YOU.CAN.TOO!

    You are capable! So, why not you?

    Your will to learn and take action will help you

    Again, why not you?

    “I don’t know how,” you say.

    Yes, I know, you may not see the path now, but it’s okay.

    One thing I learned in my journey is, that I don’t have to have all the answers.

    And I would like to let you in on a secret. Part of manifestation is co-creation. If you believe in God, the universe, or whatever faith you have. You co-create.

    I co-create with my God. I take action based on what I can. And my will to learn. Now the path is my God’s part of co-creating. He leads the way.

    So, in your scenario, I recommend using this concept. Learn as much as you can. Take action to your capabilities. And whatever is unclear right now. Ask for guidance.

    Other people have the same fears, yet still, did it, so why not you?

    There is probably at some point of you reading this post where your mind is screaming. Saying, “No, Ernie, you don’t understand.”

    The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.

    -Steve Jobs

    I may not understand what your mind is telling you right now. But here is what I know. Those voices in your head. Those are what we call, “False evidence appearing real”, a.k.a. FEAR.

    And to tell you the truth, we all have it. Again, as I said, before you can even come up with a solution to taking action, you have talked yourself out of it. That is your fear.

    Lisa Nichols shared in one of her speeches that she was given the response by one of her clients and said, “I’ve always been this way.” And her response was, “How is that working out for you?” And that hit me.

    We can make that comment, but how is our mindset? How is our decision towards the things that we desire to do working out for us?

    If your answer is, that it’s not working out. Then, take action. Make a change. Give yourself permission to try!

    Other people who had made it did it scared. Why not you?

    Now, the intention of this blog post is to empower you. To show you that you have options. Help you realize that you are capable. But at the end of the day, when all the noise is gone.

    Reflect and ask yourself, “Why not me?”

  • Reasons why you are an independent person

    Reasons why you are an independent person

    Reasons, why you are an independent person, is our topic for today, in lieu of Independence Day in America. Yes, I know that in my heart that you are independent. My question to you is, “Do you know that you are independent?”

    In my blog post, “Gorgeous, How to know that you are the strategy?”. I explained why you have everything that you need to pursue what you are meant in life. Today, I wanted to explain the reasons why you are an independent person.

    According to dictionary.com, independent is defined as;

    not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself: an independent thinker. not subject to another’s authority or jurisdiction; autonomous; free: an independent businessman. not influenced by the thought or action of others:

    Now, this blog post may sound unbelievable to you, or it can be an eye-opener. As, always, I aim to empower you. So, this can confirm that you are independent. Or open your eyes that your perception of yourself as being dependent is incorrect.

    Reasons why you are an independent person:

    • You are taking risks
    • You make decisions and stick to them
    • You are not easily influenced by others
    • You are willing to change or form new habits

    You are taking risks

    Gorgeous, you may not realize it, but you do take risks every day.

    • Driving to your destination
    • Working to not get fired
    • Starting a new business
    • Being in a relationship
    • Moving from one place to another
    • Getting up in the morning

    Taking risks is doing something that may result in a loss or failure. Sometimes, we only recognize certain things as “taking a risk”, like gambling. But if you look at it from a different perspective. You are gambling every day.

    Driving to your destination is taking risks. RIsk of being in a car accident. Working is taking a risk as well. Risk of not getting fired. Starting a new business if that is your passion is a risk. Risk of the business closing. Being in a relationship is a risk. Risk of losing that person. Moving to another location is a risk. Risk of that place not working out for you. Getting up in the morning is a risk. Risk of losing sleep. Or having a bad day.

    You get the message right? We do take risks e-ve-ry-day. Most of those risks are out of our control. But we still do them.

    So, if you think that you are not independent. You do take risks, And that is one reason why you are an independent person.

    You make decisions and stick to them

    Making decisions on your own and sticking to them is one reason why you are independent. It’s not just about being firm. Or be sure of your decisions. It is making decisions and sticking to them even though you don’t know the outcome.

    Do you know the word “perfectionists”? The idea that something has to be perfect before you present it? I have learned that is fear. Fear of not being good enough. And it is fine. But think of this for a second, how will you know that it is perfect if you do not show it? If you have not tried it?

    Just like the examples I gave above. You getting up in the morning is a decision. And you stick to that decision. It may take you a little while to make a firm decision to get up by hitting the snooze button. But once you are up. Your day starts.

    Still not convinced? When you decide to leave your home to do something. May that be going to work. Going on vacation. Or running errands. Do you change your mind? And say, I am not leaving because I may get into an accident. You don’t right?

    Gorgeous, you are capable of making decisions and sticking to them. In life, sometimes we just have to make decisions without having all the answers. And own it. It may not work at first, but it’s okay.

    John Maxwell said, “You will always suck the first time.” And that is so true.

    You are not easily influenced by others

    We all know that not being easily influenced by others is one of the signs of an independent person. But what does that really mean?

    You will always be surrounded by other people in your life. Your friends. Family. Acquaintances. Media. News. Mentors. Those account as “others”.

    Let’s say that you wanted to start your own business. A family member would say, “Don’t because it doesn’t give you a steady income.” This can result in you doubting your decision of starting your own business.

    But let’s say, you had a baby and the baby is running a high fever and wheezing. A family member comes in and says, “The baby is fine. it’s part of growing”. As a parent, will this cause you to doubt that comment? Yes, right? You will make a decision and bring your baby to the hospital.

    Let me break it down. Both examples I gave evoke emotion. The first one is uncertainty. The second one can also show uncertainty but the stronger emotion evoked is love.

    When you haven’t seen the value of something. You are not fully committed to it. If you haven’t made a decision that you love that one thing. It is easy to let it go. It is easy for others to influence you of letting it go.

    In the first example, what you had was desire. You want to start a new business. Not knowing how. Where. When. But you know in your heart why. You are just uncertain of all the logistics.

    The second example shows that you have a foundation of love. You’ve developed a bond with the baby for nine months. Had invested time in caring for it and realized the importance of your baby. That is why you can easily make a decision and not easily be influenced by others. Regardless if they are your family.

    You are willing to change or form new habits

    Yes, the willingness to change or form new habits is another reason why you are an independent person. How?

    Okay, if your marriage or relationship is not working out, what do you do?

    You can do one of two things. One, change some things and make it work. Two, walk away and start a new life.

    If you’ve never had a business but you have that burning desire to do so. Wouldn’t you find ways how to make it work? That calls for a change in your schedule. And that will also result in your growth.

    At work, if your boss tells you that your performance is low. You can do two things. Make a change in yourself and improve. Or change your employer.

    These are decisions that you have to make a change. Or form a new habit.

    You are probably rolling your eyes at me. And saying Ernie these are not examples of an independent person. The examples are too easy and it’s what we do every day. I hear ya! And that’s my whole point, most of the examples I have given are examples where you have gained confidence. When you are comfortable doing things on a daily basis. You tend to lose sight of giving yourself credit for where you started in the first place.

    But once you are faced with uncertainty. With anything new. You doubt your own skills. Capabilities. You doubt your knowledge. Sometimes doubt your vision even.

    I am setting a foundation for you. And giving you a reminder, that yes, you may confide with others. You may seek help and need to be with someone in order to take action. Make a decision, Or take a risk. At the end of the day. YOU. ARE. THE. ONE. TAKING. ACTION. And that is the reason why you are an independent person.

  • How to fully accept yourself? Exploring Self-Acceptance

    How to fully accept yourself? Exploring Self-Acceptance

    How to fully accept yourself? Exploring Self-acceptance. Yes, we are doing this gorgeous.

    I encourage you to stop. Ask yourself this question, “Do I fully accept myself?

    In my blog post, “Why is self-acceptance a path worth taking?“. I explained a few reasons why one should accept the person that he or she is, flaws and all.

    To be honest, exploring self-acceptance can be very scary. Nerve-wracking even. All the traumas and past conditioning when you are young can be seen as damaging. I am here to tell you that you are fine. There is nothing wrong with you.

    As I said, it is all past conditioning. Now, changing the past conditioning is an option that you have to decide for yourself. But as I have shared before, awareness will always be the first step. That also applies to self-acceptance.

    How to fully accept yourself?

    Here are a few tips on exploring self-acceptance:

    1. Reflect on this question, “Do you accept yourself?”
    2. Make a list of all the things that you love to do and things that you don’t like to do.
    3. Make a list of things that you like about yourself and things that you don’t like about yourself.
    4. Tap into resources that will help you learn more about yourself.
    5. Reflect on the information that you have learned about yourself.
    6. Decide if there are things that you want to change and create a plan.

    Reflect on this question, “Do you accept yourself?”

    You may find this a difficult question to answer. To share a secret, it was hard for me too. But it is part of personal growth. We have to ask difficult questions sometimes. It is a way to get out of your comfort zone.

    I recommend journaling on this and being honest with yourself. If it gets too emotional, be gentle with yourself. Give yourself space to really reflect on the question. Dive deep inside and seek the true answer. Be vulnerable. But do not judge yourself. If you need help, I’m just one message away.

    Make a list of all the things that you love to do and things that you don’t like to do- part of your self-acceptance journey

    If you’re like me when asked, “what do you love to do?”. And my answer, ” I like to do a lot of things.” But only able to name a few. Making a list of the things that you love to do is a good way to prevent that problem.

    List away. Have a sit down with yourself. Indulge in this self-acceptance journey and list the things that you love to do. Why? Because these are the things that are stimulating for you. And the things that make you happy. I don’t know about you, but I love to do things that make me happy. It’s also a perfect list to look back and reference on a day when you feel down and want to do something fun. Fun in your own definition.

    Alongside the things that you love to do are things that you don’t want to do. Sit down and write these down clearly. True to your heart and do not hold back. The things that you don’t like to do are the things that drain your energy. Things that do not make you happy. If you are true to yourself, I don’t recommend you to do these things. And communicate if with the people around you.

    The people who love and care about you will respect it and appreciate that you communicate it with them. That way, you’re not pretending or dragging your feet while doing it with them.

    Make a list of things that you like about yourself and things that you don’t like about yourself

    Making a list of things that you like about yourself can be so much fun. Again, do not hold back. Explore this part of your self-acceptance journey. I know you don’t give yourself enough credit. And this is my way of guiding you to give yourself credit.

    YOU. DESERVE. IT

    Make sure to list at least 20 things that you like/love about yourself. In any aspect of your life. It doesn’t have to be big. I have listed a few examples below for you. Just in case, you can’t think of anything right away.

    Examples:

    • I love my smile
    • I love my hair
    • I love that I have patience with others
    • I love to help people
    • I love listening to country music
    • I love that I learn quickly
    • I love that I am always on time at work
    • I love that I am compassionate
    • I love waking up early in the morning

    List away! You got this.

    Again, the opposite would be listing the things that you don’t like about yourself. Before you do this though, I encourage you to list them without attaching emotions towards them. Without judgment in yourself. Knowing the things that you don’t like about yourself is another powerful tool in making decisions in your life. The goal is to get to know yourself on a deeper level. That’s it!

    I named a few examples for you below:

    • I don’t like that I am very impatient
    • I don’t like my toes
    • I don’t like to be around too many people
    • I don’t like staying home
    • I don’t like to date a short guy
    • I don’t like the feeling of no direction in life
    • I don’t like that I procrastinate a lot
    • I don’t like that I talk to myself in a negative way

    See! Those are examples, just naming them without judgment. Write your own list. You will be surprised by how much you learn about yourself in writing.

    Tap into resources that will help you learn more about yourself

    This is my favorite! Part of the self-acceptance journey is learning more about yourself. I am still learning more about myself to this day. A good place to start is tapping into resources that will help. There are free resources out there. I listed a couple of links below to start with:

    There are plenty more out there. I am currently learning about my decision-making techniques. Learning more about my strengths. My weaknesses. Learning more about yourself can give you the upper hand in choosing a career that you are meant to explore. I am amazed at how accurate it is. And I actually confirmed that one career path that I should dive into is motivational speaking. I am currently working with a coach about this. (If interested, let me know and I will connect you with him).

    Reflect on the information that you have learned about yourself

    This is a journaling opportunity. Create a summary of all the things that you have learned about yourself.

    My self-acceptance journey is still ongoing. But learning and accepting myself made an impact on how I react to a lot of things. I no longer aim to be liked by others, now I aim to make an impact. And not just say yes to what others want to do. This made a huge improvement in my time with the people I love. I have also acknowledged the people I love to spend more time with.
    I am more intentional. And helps me react differently to adversities.

    Decide if there are things that you want to change and create a plan

    Yes, at the end of the day, you will need to decide if there are things that you want to change.

    You’re probably thinking, this is a self-acceptance journey in which you should be accepting yourself. Then why do you need to make a change?

    I know right? Yes. Self-acceptance is accepting yourself. That is why I said this journey is not to judge or condemn you. It is learning more about you and accepting the facts.

    Now, reflecting on what you have learned about yourself will help you realize if there are things that need to be worked on within yourself. To become a better version of yourself.

    I’ll share mine.

    In my self-acceptance journey, I’ve learned that I was a perfectionist. I was too hard on myself. I easily react negatively to certain comments. It was just beating myself down left and right.

    I decided to improve this mindset and made changes. Now, I am more gentle with myself. I seek progress instead of perfection. Was it easy, no. But it was a life-changing journey.

    There you have it gorgeous! Tips on how to fully accept yourself. Again, I will say that exploring self-acceptance can be a scary journey. And it is okay.

    This journey to self-acceptance though is not to make you feel uneasy about yourself. It is not to condemn you in any shape or form. I encourage you to see it as an empowering activity because getting to know who you are is a powerful tool to propel you to the next level or next step of your life.

    Please feel free to share this post with others, it’s the only way we can spread the knowledge and value to others.

    Always remember, even if you’re a man or a woman…

    Be bold,

    Be radiant,

    Be confidently you!

  • Gorgeous, asking for help is not a bad thing!

    Gorgeous, asking for help is not a bad thing!

    Gorgeous, asking for help is not a bad thing! There! I said it! It really is not.

    And I know that I need to tell you this because most of the time, it can be very challenging for you to ask for help. Your ego can be the culprit behind it. It is okay. Remember that awareness is the first step.

    Asking for help was hard for me! And I felt the same heaviness in my heart when I had to let it go. The results of it though are life-changing.

    I didn’t like asking for help because:

    It’s how I have adapted I supposed.

    Living by myself for quite some time and learning of doing things on my own. There was nothing wrong with it. It is even a good thing to be able to do things on my own but it does not have to be that way on everything.

    I have to do it or else it will not get done

    Well, as there is some truth to that statement, it is not entirely correct. I have learned that I was telling myself that I have to do it because it will not get done the way I wanted it to get done. See the difference?

    Asking for help is a sign of weakness

    Woooh! That burns! I got this message all wrong. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. We are all created unique. We develop skills. Ge the knowledge throughout our lifetime. Which makes us good at certain things and not so good at others. So, admitting that you are not good at something is self-acceptance. You are acknowledging yourself. And acknowledging the people who can do what needs to be done.

    I am sure you have your own reasons why you can be hesitant in asking for help. But gorgeous, I am here to share with you that asking for help is not a bad thing.

    Why is asking for help, not a bad thing

    • You can end up in the hospital
    • Reduces mental stress
    • Gives you more time to focus on things that matter
    • Giving others the opportunity to learn or share their skills

    You can end up in the hospital

    Yes! You may think I am exaggerating but this is true! You are amazing! Capable! Even powerful! And yes I have shared this on my blog post “Gorgeous, How to know that you are the strategy”. But my dear friend, you are not superhuman. Wanting to do everything at any level of your life; personal or professional can be draining. Some people are able to do it for a long time because they have a higher threshold. And some people don’t so they crash. Something that I do not want YOU to go through. So, my dear, know that asking for help is not a bad thing.

    When I took on my managerial role, I learned that to become an effective leader, I needed to learn to delegate. And delegating is asking for help. Not because I am incapable but because I needed the help. I can’t do everything by myself. It is not called a team if I will do all the work now, isn’t it?

    And it’s applied within your household too. A colleague of mine shared her story with me. She complained to her husband and kids that they do not take care of her whenever she’s sick. Her husband flat out told her, don’t blame us for not taking care of you, you didn’t want the help whenever we offer it. See the resentment?

    Asking for help reduces mental stress

    This is why I delegated. The reason why I no longer have problems asking for help. And why it was life-changing for me. Asking for help helped me reduce mental stress. That feeling of anxiety. Thinking that I have to do this. I forgot to do that. Oh, goodness, I still have to do this. Crazy! And my mind goes on this downward spiral that I end up unproductive. In my blog post, “The art of knowing that confidence comes from within”. I shared that once you’ve learned self-love, self-trust, and self-acceptance. It results in aligned actions. Now, this is the opposite. When you are feeling overwhelmed. Anxious. And losing control. It results in procrastination. Which is definitely unproductive.

    Gives you more time to focus on things that matter

    Asking for help is not a bad thing. it’s even beneficial because it gives you more time to focus on things that matter. I’ve always admired those people who can do their own oil change. Or change their tire whenever they have a flat tire. But that’s how far I will go. Admire them. Will I do it myself? No!

    I am not saying that you do the same. What I am saying is, that asking for help on things that are not your expertise can be very beneficial to you. Now, this is not an excuse to be lazy and delegate things to others. It is an opportunity to take things off of your plate. So you can have more time to focus on things that matter.

    Giving others the opportunity to learn or share their skills

    I said giving others the opportunity to learn. Because asking for help can be applied to your personal or professional life.

    You can ask for help from your family members. An example is asking them to help you with the dishes. First, you may need to teach them how to do it properly then you’ll delegate.

    Same with your co-workers.

    Asking a coworker for help with a project can be an opportunity to learn a new skill. It can even open an opportunity for them to show you their skill and add to the success of the project.

    So, next time challenge yourself, try asking for help. Don’t try to take it all on when you know there are people who are willing to help. I know how hard you work. You deserve to relax too and the only way you can do that is to delegate to others and focus on what you are meant to do.

  • Knowing the Difference between fixed and growth mindset

    Knowing the Difference between fixed and growth mindset

    To me, knowing the difference between fixed and growth mindset is important. Read through this entire blog post to find out why.

    I am passionate about this topic because this is not something that is always taught in school.

    Growing up, I believed that if I failed a subject in class, that meant I am dumb.

    I remember in elementary and high school, the classrooms are arranged in a certain way. The ones with the highest grades in academics were in the first section. The second, third, and fourth sections are arranged as follows. And now reflecting on it made me realize that we are segregated and judged at a very young age. Because of that, it instilled a mindset that we are not as good as the ones in the first grade. That’s sad, ain’t it?

    At a young age, we were taught that if we are not as good as the ones on top, we will remain at the end of the herd. A mindset that ruins our confidence in every aspect of our lives. Now, this is my observation though.

    What is mindset?

    My mindset was one of the things that I needed to improve in my personal development journey. But what hit home for me was learning about the difference between the fixed and growth mindset. Carol S. Dweck beautifully explained the concept of mindset through her book, Mindset. In it, she defined it as, ” “the view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life.”

    To me, Mindset means how you view life through your own lens. It consists of your own beliefs, values, and knowledge. And the type of mindset determines how you will live your life.

    Mindset by Carol Dweck Ph.D

    What is it like having a fixed mindset?

    Having a fixed mindset means no growth. A fixed mindset means having limitations. And fixed mindset will result in feeling stuck. I can say this because I was there too.

    I’ve always believed that I cannot improve my skills. If I don’t know how to do it, I cannot learn it.

    Let’s use confidence as an example. I lost my confidence in myself years ago. I moved to a completely different country without knowing its culture. It was a culture shock. Which resulted in an inferiority complex.

    I lost my confidence when I divorced my husband which made me think that I will never be good enough. Or I am too much for someone.

    Reminiscing my thoughts then makes me want to hug the old me. It was a devastating period of my life.

    The thought of being not good enough made me feel uneasy about a lot of things. My work. How I carried myself. And how I treated myself.

    I used to dim my light. Thinking that I will not measure up. I’ve always been shy and in the back of a room just observing and listening. Instead of giving my thoughts and ideas. And I beat myself up emotionally whenever I made mistakes. All that made me feel anxious.

    Having a fixed mindset resulted in me taking criticism as personal. I always felt attacked when someone tells me their opinions about my work or me personally.

    And the worst part of it all was, that I had the mindset of I am good enough where I am and I will not grow out of there.

    What is it like having a growth mindset?

    A growth mindset is just exactly what it is, growth.

    Instead of thinking, I am not good enough. It is thinking, how can I improve?

    It is the opposite of “I can’t”, it is saying, “how can I learn”?

    Having a growth mindset looks at failure as an opportunity to grow. This was huge for me because I hated failing. I hated making mistakes then. Failing and making mistakes made me feel inadequate.

    Remember when I said, I would beat myself up emotionally? It is true.

    Have you tried playing the scene or situation in your head? And tried to figure out ways on how you could have done it differently? Or what could you have said differently? I did that. Many times. It gave me anxiety because I know I cannot change that situation at all. I’ve called myself names. Stupid. You suck. Dumb. Which again affected my confidence.

    Do you want to know what opened my eyes in all this at the very beginning? It is when I found out that confidence is not a personality trait. Confidence is a skill. A skill is something you can learn. It is something you can improve. And I have been obsessed to learn and improve my confidence since.

    Comparing the fixed and growth mindsets

    Henry Ford had said…

    Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t. You are right!

    Henry Ford

    Whether you think you can, or you think you cannot, you are right! It is true! Because it is all based on your mindset!

    I said earlier that having a fixed mindset will result in feeling stuck and based on my past experience, it is true.

    I used to be so unhappy with my job. The politics. The stress. And the anxiety it gave me. I felt stuck. And I settled because I thought nothing is better out there.

    I was also scared of starting new. I also thought that if I leave, I could fail. This was all because I had a fixed mindset.

    But I had this burning desire inside of me. The desire of being happy. Being at peace. And just being me. I am not saying I wanted to live a perfect life because what is the fun in that right? I am saying that I don’t have to live an unhappy life. That, I have a choice.

    So, I took a leap of faith and quit. I packed and changed my environment. Learned so many things along the way. And found a job where I felt like I mattered. The bonus part was, that I get to influence my team

    And if you are not happy with your job today. If you asked me what you should do? I would tell you to do just that. Quit!

    I don’t care if you are making a ton of money with your current job. I don’t care if they have a great retirement plan for you. Nor if your employers give you a lot of perks.

    Quit!

    Money can be earned somewhere else! Your retirement plan will be useless if you end up being sick. And most importantly perks are nothing compared to being happy. Happy where you are and doing what you love to do.

    So again, a fixed mindset will limit you. If you are content where you are, by all means, you have my support. But if you want more. If you want growth. if a change is something you seek. Learn how you will get there. Grow your way. And I promise you, you will not be disappointed.

    If you are doubting yourself, read my blog post, “Gorgeous, How to know that you are the strategy”. There I shared why you have what it takes to do anything you put your mind to.

    Feel free to take this knowledge and apply it in your life gorgeous. And if you found value in this post, please share it with others. This is how this blog will grow, that way we can spread positivity and confidence with others.

  • 4 Reasons Why it’s okay not to be Okay!

    4 Reasons Why it’s okay not to be Okay!

    Yes, we are talking about, “it’s okay not to be okay.” But before that, I would like to share a few things with you.

    It has been 3 months and 21 days since I launched this website. To be honest, I cannot keep up with the amount of content I have put up. This has been my dream though. A platform where I can braindump my journey. And share the knowledge I’ve gained throughout my personal development journey. Also, share my journey as I partake in being a motivation teacher and coach.

    Update on my journey

    I have completed my motivational speaking classes. I am now, finishing my coaching classes. And soon enough I will be getting my certification in Florida. Exciting things are happening! With it all, I am grateful for each of you reading, learning, and supporting this platform.

    As I have promised, this is a safe environment to share your journey. I want to share this phase of my life. It is for me to say it’s okay not to be okay.

    I didn’t get that title by myself though, I got it from a song by Demi Lovato, “Ok not to be OK.

    If I am being honest, I hadn’t been OKAY lately. I was slipping into old habits and I’ve let myself indulge too much.

    Now, mind you going through your own personal development journey is not easy. Yes, you can read that again. It is not easy. Because if it was, everyone would be doing it. Personal growth starts within you. You have to seek it. And have the discipline to continue.

    But it does not mean that you will be superhuman. Will also have a perfect life and everything will be rainbows and roses. No!

    You will have down days! Days where it leads you to your old habits. And if you’re not careful, you’ll find yourself continuously doing it. And it is Okay!

    Like I said, It is okay not to be okay.

    It is okay to fall into old habits.

    Okay to indulge a little.

    To get away from the consistent norm.

    But as long as you know your limits.

    It’s okay not to be okay, why?

    1. Because it is okay!
    2. It could be a reminder of how you were before.
    3. You need to!
    4. It’s a perfect reminder that you are still human

    Because it is Okay!

    It is part of being human. I am 35 years young and I have been conditioned with the old habits that are not serving me. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. I started my personal development journey 3 years ago. Though, I’ve done a lot of healing. Roller coaster of emotions. I have acquired helpful, fulfilling practices and ways. But I’ve only been in this game for three years. My conditioning is 32 years worth. It’s okay for me not to be okay sometimes. And go back to old habits. As long as, I can pick myself back up and continue where I left off. Again, it is okay to bend. It is okay to take a break. But giving up, nah!

    It’s okay not to be okay, because it could be a reminder of how you were before

    You know when you’ve quit a bad habit and deprived yourself of it?

    Say, binge-watching on Netflix. Yes, that was my bad habit. I quit it because the content of the shows that I watch did not help me grow. So, I’ve deprived myself of binge-watching. But I did not quit watching a movie entirely. As a matter of fact, I love watching movies. I just make it to a point to watch a movie at least once a week, two at the most.

    I’ve built that discipline. Movies usually take two hours of my time. It’s very rare that there is a clip-hanger at the end that I have to watch the next episode. And it worked well for me. Until last week, I let myself watch one TV show and the next thing I know, I finished the whole season in one sitting. Sadly, I did not stop there. I found another good TV show, I was 8 episodes in and binge-watched after work for two days. That did not make me feel happy. I did not eat a healthy dinner. Layed on the couch until it was bedtime. My body felt so heavy. And I did not feel productive nor fulfilled. I even felt anxious because I know there are things I needed to do but decided not to.

    I did not feel okay at the time but it is okay. Why? Because it was a perfect reminder of how I felt when I was continuously doing that bad habit. And with that, I will not be binge-watching any TV shows for quite some time.

    You need to!

    Yes, you read it! It is okay not to be okay because you need to feel like you’re not okay! Don’t worry gorgeous, it’s not to torture you. But to remind you that it is completely fine.

    I used to be so hard on myself when I have a moment of weakness. I would beat myself up mentally. And sadly, I didn’t realize that I was slowly losing my confidence in myself for doing so. You need to be not okay from time to time because you need to acknowledge what is causing that feeling. Whatever gender you are, it does not matter. It is okay to cry. It is okay to feel weak. Okay to feel sad. To feel like everything around you is crumbling.

    Acknowledge that emotion and not push it under the rug. You have been conditioned that when you cry, you show weakness. You have to be tough in any scenario. I call Bullshit. It takes a lot for a person to become vulnerable in front of others. So, don’t hide your emotions.

    Showing your emotions helps you connect with yourself. And connect with the people around you. See the real you behind the mask.

    If this is not enough explanation, let me ask you this…

    When you’re hungry what do you do? You eat right?

    When you’re thirsty, you go get a drink.

    And when you’re tired, you rest.

    It’s the same thing when you’re not feeling okay. You acknowledge it and do something about it.

    The feeling of not being okay does not define you. It just goes to show that you are in that state. And it’s either you do something about it. Or you deprive it. And you know when you deprive yourself of something. It will eat you up inside to a point that you can’t control.

    It’s a perfect reminder that you are still human

    Yes, it is okay not to be okay because it is a reminder that you are still human. You have emotions. You feel pain. Feel sadness. Sorrow. And the list goes on.

    No need to push the feeling of not being okay aside. You just have to acknowledge it. Give it the attention it needs. Adjust what needs adjusting. And move on.

    There you go gorgeous, 4 reasons why I know it’s okay not to be okay.

    It may sound easier said than done. And here is the kicker. It is easy! We just tend to make it complicated.

    Life is worth living, you just need to have the courage to live it.

    Ernelita Dacumos

    I hope this post helps you acknowledge that if you’re not okay right now. I am the first to tell you, “It is okay not to be okay!”

    Feel free to share this post with someone who may need to read it as well.

  • Simple Ways on How to Build Your Self-Worth

    Simple Ways on How to Build Your Self-Worth

    Gorgeous, can I ask, “Do you know how to build your self-worth?

    Is self-worth something you even acknowledge? Or like me, it is something you do not acknowledge often?

    We all have reasons why we do not acknowledge our self-worth but it is something that we crave from others to see.

    Now, let me ask you this if you don’t see your self-worth, how do you expect others to see it?

    If you do not see your value, how would other people know how valuable you are?

    Such eye-opening questions that we didn’t know to ask ourselves. It’s honestly not your fault.

    You don’t know, what you don’t know. But it is up to you to improve yourself. If you have been following me on Instagram or Facebook, you might have seen that I am a member of the Maxwell Leadership Program.

    Part of that program is a mastermind program where we get to join a mastermind for four weeks. It is a good setting to learn from other like-minded individuals. Also to have a first-hand experience of what a Mastermind is. Which prepares us to facilitate our own mastermind in the future.

    The book that we read on that mastermind was “The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth” by Dr. John Maxwell. One of the laws is the “Law of Mirror”, which emphasizes the phrase,

    You must see value in yourself, to add value to Yourself.

    It states that “You must see your worth within yourself”. You must believe that you are of value first. In order to add value to Yourself.

    In that book, Dr. John Maxwell also quoted Dennis Waitley’s comment,

    Personal development is the belief that you are worth the effort, time, and energy needed to develop yourself.

    Dennis waitley

    Let me give you an example

    I would like to use myself as an example. I moved here to the United States when I was 17 years old. Had an inferiority complex and did not have the confidence in myself. As a result, I was so afraid to try anything new. Isolated me. And I settled where I was.

    But there was this burning desire inside of me. I knew I can do so much more.

    There is so much more that I can offer. I did not know how then. But I decided to make a change.

    Fast forward to 12 years, and here I am writing these blog posts for you.

    So, gorgeous, I would like you to take time for yourself. Look in the mirror. And ask yourself these questions:

    Do I value myself?

    Am I aware of my self-worth?

    If you are unsure of the answer. Or if you know the answer but are not fully confident. I have provided ways how to build your self-worth below.

    Ways on How to Build your self-worth

    • Positive Self-talk can build your self-worth
    • Don’t listen to the nay-sayers
    • Move beyond your limiting beliefs
    • Practice the high-five habit
    • Reading and learning can build your self-worth

    Positive self-talk can build your self-worth

    I cannot express this enough. Choosing positive self-talk versus negative self-talk will uplift you.

    Go ahead and try it. Look in the mirror and say these things to yourself…

    I am ugly. And then say, I am authentic. Which one is more uplifting?

    The words you say after, “I am” can either uplift you or damage you inside.

    Don’t listen to the nay-sayers

    Now, I will be bold, I do not care if it is your partner. If it is your mom. Or it’s your best friend. If you have a desire to do something that will help you improve your future, do it!

    Do not listen to the people who will tell you that you can’t. I recommend listening to people who are in the field. People who are doing what you wanted to do. Or more so, listen to people who have done it.

    The people who are preventing you from taking action towards what you want will have good intentions. But they do not share the same vision. They do not share the same desire.

    Move beyond your limiting beliefs

    Yes gorgeous, move beyond your limiting beliefs. It is the only way. You will have fears. Limiting beliefs will cripple you. You have to move past that. It will be nerve-wracking. It will be scary. I promise you though, once you’ve moved passed it. You will unstoppable.

    Practice the high-five habit

    I got this technique from Mel Robin’s book, “The high-five habit”. I highly recommend it. You will have down days. Days where you will feel like shit. You will have days where failure is apparent. We will get through it. And it’s okay. But if you practice the high-five habit. Where you give yourself a high-five in the mirror. Go ahead and do it right now.

    When you do this, you are telling yourself, you got this. It is expressing to yourself that it’s okay. And sometimes, that is all you need to move forward.

    Reading and learning can build your self-worth

    Again, “You must see your value, to add value to yourself” according to Dr. John Maxwell. Now that you are building your self-worth. It is time to invest in you.

    Continuing to learn and read helped me grow. And as human beings, we are designed to grow.

    If you like to read more about staying positive and building your self-worth, click on the links: Happiness Starts with you and It starts with Self-love, 4 Ways to keep positivity in your life.

    There it is gorgeous! Again, if you are reading this blog post, I would love to hear your takeaway. And as always share it with others who may need to learn it too.

  • Reasons why Consistency is key to everything

    Reasons why Consistency is key to everything

    Consistency is key to everything! Yes, gorgeous! You read that right. Being consistent is the key to everything.

    It is the key to becoming good at what you want to do. It is the key to getting the job that you want. It is the key to building confidence. It is the key to becoming successful.

    Here I am motivating you, yet I tell you that the key to everything is consistency and not motivation. Trust me, I was shocked too.

    Why motivation is not the key to success is, because motivation only lasts for so long. You can be listening to a podcast and it will get you all fired up for the day then you need to replenish that motivation.

    You can go to a motivational speaking conference, again all fired up. And you cannot wait to go out there and start doing the thing that you wanted to do and it’s all great. But this is a big but, there will be days when you will not be motivated. There will be days when you will not feel like doing the things you promised yourself to do.

    And on those days, is when consistency makes an impact.

    Why? Well, let me show you the reasons why consistency is key to everything.

    Reasons why consistency is key to everything

    1. Consistently doing something gives you results
    2. Consistency compounds
    3. It makes the task feel lighter, bearable, and manageable
    4. It gives you confidence in yourself
    5. Consistency results in credibility

    Consistently doing something gives you results

    How does consistently doing something give results?

    Let me give you an example. Let’s say there is a tree in your backyard that you have been wanting to cut for a long time. Every time you see the tree and it is growing bigger and bigger, the more urge you have to cut it.

    But having the urge will not give you the results right?

    Thinking about cutting the tree every day will also not give you the results.

    Grabbing an ax and starting to cut the tree will give you the results. Not just give you results but will show you the results.

    Consistency compounds

    Yes, it does compound! What do I mean by it?

    Let’s use the tree problem as an example and apply it to your busy life. I understand that you are busy. I understand that you have a life to live so if you want to be good at something you have to make time for it.

    Let’s say that in a day, you can only go to the backyard and hit the tree with the ax five times. Again, the next day you hit the tree with the ax fix times.

    Do you see the logic? Every action that you take. May it be big or small. It compounds. Hitting the tree every day has a compounding result because you are not starting over again. You are starting where you left off the day before.

    Another example is investing. Putting money in to invest every month for the next ten years will compound. Because every time you put money in, you are not starting where you initially started. The interest accrues on the amount that is currently on the investment.

    Consistency is key because it makes the task feel lighter, bearable, and manageable

    Staying consistent makes the task feel lighter, bearable, and manageable. How? Because doing something over and over and over again every day actually builds a habit.

    It will suck at first, that’s for sure. But once you consistently do it, your body gets used to it. Let’s use the tree concept again.

    As I said, we do not have a lot of time in a day to get something done. And sometimes, at the end of the day, you will not have the motivation to get up and hit the tree with an ax. But since you have been doing it for weeks since maybe it’s a big tree. And it has become a part of your habit. Your body will automatically get out of the house. Go to the backyard. Pick up the ax and start hitting on that tree five times.

    Consistency is key because it gives you confidence in yourself

    Remember Mel Robbin’s definition of confidence in my blog post, “The art of knowing that confidence comes from within”? I shared her competence confidence loop.

    It shows that to gain confidence, you have to be competent at it first. To become competent, you have to do the task over and over again. That is consistency!

    Consistency results in credibility

    Last but not the least, consistency results in credibility. Doing the work will start with you. Doing the work will give and show results. It will be building a habit. And it will give you that confidence that you have been working on every day consistently.

    After all, this is done, the result will become visible to others as well. Others will see the outcome but not the effort. Once they see the outcome though, others will see you as credible to teach and show them the effort needed to get the results.

    Credibility can also be credibility in yourself. The more you face another task to do. The more you practice consistency. The more you build that credibility in yourself that you know you will get to where you want to be. And that is because you know the secret recipe on how to get there.

    And that’s it gorgeous! The reasons why consistency is the key to everything. Let me know what your key takeaway from this post in the comments below, I love to hear your input. Also, do not forget to subscribe for any random motivational emails from me.

  • Why is Self-Acceptance a path worth taking?

    Why is Self-Acceptance a path worth taking?

    Self-acceptance is a phrase that we don’t talk about.

    And to be honest, I did not know that self-acceptance existed until last year.

    But what is self-acceptance?

    According to Merriam Webster self-acceptance is:

    the act or state of accepting oneself: the act or state of understanding and recognizing one’s own abilities and limitations

    Yes, it is accepting yourself unconditionally. Accepting YOU with your skills, knowledge along with your limitations. Your flaws, and weaknesses.

    But just because you have weaknesses and flaws does not make you less of a person.

    Gorgeous, You are powerful. You are authentic. You are unique. And there is only one YOU in this world.

    Why is Self-acceptance a path worth taking?

    1. Gives you a better understanding of yourself
    2. It helps you learn to become the version of yourself whom you want to be.
    3. Gives you a better understanding of others
    4. It helps you see your value
    5. It results in self-confidence

    The path to self-acceptance gives you a better understanding of yourself

    Accepting me

    Have you ever asked yourself these questions? Or made these comments before?

    Why am I like this? Why do I do things this way?

    I wish I am social like those people.

    I wish I have that person’s confidence.

    I am not smart like her.

    I know I did. I remember getting mad with myself before because I don’t always finish what I started. I was too harsh on myself calling myself stupid for being a scatterbrain and I used to have anxiety.

    Part of the self-acceptance journey is getting to know yourself. There are different ways to get to know yourself. One perfect activity is called Myers Briggs. It is a personality test to find out your personality type.

    As I dove deeper into getting to know myself, I have learned so much about my personality. My human design even and my astrology. I have learned that the reason why I don’t always finish what I started, is because my human design is one that likes to learn and explore different things.

    I don’t always finish what I started because I am always seeking something that will stimulate me. Something that will catch my interest. If the project that I am working on is no longer stimulating to me. I move on.

    After learning and finding out about myself. I learned to understand the things that I do. And because of that, I understand myself more. I became more patient with myself. I became more compassionate with myself. I no longer beat myself up. I no longer talk negatively towards myself.

    It helps you learn to become the version of yourself whom you want to be

    Now, I am not saying that you are not good enough as you are now.

    What I am saying is, we are who we are today based on how we are raised. Based on our environment. Based on the information that was given to us. And based on the information that we consume. But if you are aiming for something different. Aiming for something bigger and better than what you have now. We have to adjust to becoming that person as well.

    I will use myself as an example. I am a shy introvert. I learned that my purpose is to become a motivational speaker and a writer. I had this clarity as I was diving into my personal development journey.

    There is nothing wrong with being a shy introvert. But in order for me to become a speaker, I need to gather the courage and overcome being shy. In order for me to become an effective and successful writer, I have to improve and harness my skill.

    I am accepting that I am a shy type of person but when it comes to public speaking, well the shyness goes away. I understood myself. But I also learned that I can change that personality to achieve what I want to become.

    The path to Self-acceptance gives you a better understanding of others

    Accepting others for who they are

    Have you ever looked at someone and wondered why that person behaved that way?

    Or have you questioned why certain people do things differently?

    If yes, you are not alone. I have thought and wondered too. And if I am being honest, I have judged people before based on their behavior.

    It is not until I dove into my self-acceptance journey that I had a better understanding of how other people are the way there are. I may not know their personality type, but I know that they act, behave, and do things the way they know-how. The way they are conditioned. Just like how I learned that I do, I behave and act a certain way because that is how I was conditioned.

    And having this understanding helped me better communicate with others. It also helped me become more gentle with them. And my favorite, fewer frustrations, and resentment toward that person.

    Self-acceptance helps you see your value

    Let’s go back to how you speak with yourself. I’d like you to stop and think about how you speak with yourself.

    Do you beat yourself up whenever you make a mistake?

    Do you call yourself names that you wouldn’t call any loved one? Like, I’m so stupid. I am dumb. I look ugly. I am not smart enough. I am not beautiful enough.

    I’ve told myself these and it may sound harmless at the moment but little did I know it is harming me inside. And it does the same thing to you

    I am not sure if you have seen this video before. I believe it is by Jay Shetty. Jay had asked his guest to write every negative self-talk that she tells herself on a piece of paper.

    After doing so, he surprised his guest by bringing her young sibling out on the stage. And instructed the guest to tell her sibling all the negative self-talk she tells herself. Of course, the guest declines to do so. When asked, she said that it’s mean words and she wouldn’t tell to anyone.

    She was then asked, “Then why do you tell yourself those negative things if they can be hurtful?”

    That video was mindblowing to me and I stopped calling myself names since then.

    Diving deeper in your self-acceptance journey will help you learn that you are worth it. That you are valuable. And that you matter.

    Yes, you will make mistakes. Yes, there are things that you will do wrong. But that is all there is, a mistake or wrongdoing. You are not stupid because of it. You are not a failure because of it. It is a state of being but it does not define who you truly are.

    Knowing this will help you become more gentle with yourself. Learn that you have limits but it does not mean that those limits or flaws cannot be improved.

    So gorgeous, if this information resonated with you, know that you are valuable. You have something to offer. You have to find out what it is.

    The path to self-acceptance will result in confidence

    How? Well, once you’ve learned more about yourself. Once you’ve accepted everything that you are. You will show up differently.

    Knowing who you are gives that feeling of assurance that you know what you can do. And if you are able to do something. And if you are not, it’s a matter of analyzing if you want to learn it or if it is irrelevant.

    As I’ve mentioned before confidence is a skill that can be learned. Part of the learning process is getting to know yourself. And accepting it regardless of the outcome. The more you learn about yourself the more you will accept who you truly are. The more effective you will show up not just for others but for yourself.

    And there you have it gorgeous, the reasons why self-acceptance is a path worth taking. And if this is still not convincing to you. Let me ask you this, “Why is it that you are so eager to learn about others? Why is it that you are so eager to find out how other people tick?” Wouldn’t it be important to learn something about yourself too? Because in all reality, YOU are the most important person in your life.

    I know that sounds selfish but it is not. The more you take care of yourself, the more effective you show up for others. You cannot help people if you are wounded. You cannot pour your knowledge into others if you are not improving yourself. You cannot be of value to others if you don’t know what you are capable of.

    Just something to think about.