Let that quote sink in for a moment gorgeous.
Three years ago, I had this notion that my happiness comes from someone else. I believed that I am supposed to find a partner to “complete” me.
Someone who would be there as my knight in shining armor and save me like a damsel in distress. But we are living in a generation now where women and men are becoming more independent. Young men or women who focus on finding their calling in life and going after it. While others party or some starts a family.
I will be completely honest, I have dated a few men and it did not work out. Now, to keep this clear, this post is not for single men or women only, it is for those who have a partner as well.
This post is to give you a different perspective. Some of you may find this as an AHAH moment, some of you may know this already and that’s fine.
Now going back to me dating and them not working out, I was given advice before that my judgment when it comes to men are…. well a little poor.
And I accepted it. So, I took a break from dating and worked on myself. Mind you, it took me years to realize that my potential relationship did not work out because I have set an expectation. An expectation of our happiness comes from the outside source, not the inside.
Dr. John Maxwell had shared one of his stories with his wife, he was newly-wed at the time and he and his wife were in a conference. Someone from the table where they were sitting had asked his wife, Margaret, and said, “Does John make you happy?”
Her response was, “No.” everyone looked at her surprised. Dr. John Maxwell looked at her and asked, “Babe, do you want to continue with your answer?”
Margaret then proceeded to say, “John did not make me happy in the first 6 months of our relationship because I expected him to make me happy. I realized that in order for me to be happy, I have to learn how to make myself happy and do the things that make me happy. That is when I started to become happy, and by doing so, everything that John did and does for me, adds up to my happiness.”
This was so beautiful, starting with ‘myself’ and showing love to myself is one way to start my happiness.
I’ve learned and said this…
I can only control me; my thoughts, my emotions, and my actions
If I set an expectation for someone else, that person will never understand, nor know what will make me happy. Which can cause resentment.
So, how did I start finding my happiness you ask? Self-love
Self-love is loving yourself flaws and all.
How do I practice self-love? I have provided them below:
- Take yourself out on a date or a vacation
Yes, gorgeous, this is one way to show that happiness starts with you. Take yourself out on a date. I used to feel so embarrassed when seen alone like I’ve committed a crime because I was taking myself out on dinner.
But when I learned about self-love, I didn’t care. I remember, one of the times when I took myself out on a date at a restaurant, the host asked me, will it be you tonight?
I said, “Yes!”, then he grabbed all the extra plates, wine glass, and silverware. I remember even saying to myself, yes, I can afford to eat here and pay for it on my own. I must say, that’s a bit of a way to boost confidence.
Also, travel or explore places, you would be surprised how impactful the feeling of being able to do it on your own. And this is regardless of whether you have a kid or a partner.
I admire people who still travel. Have a weekend getaway with friends or a couple who would still have date nights after having a baby.
Remember, you were ‘someone’ before any major changes in your life happened. Do not forget that man or woman that you are because when you do, well you know what happens…unhappiness arises.
- Buy yourself what you expect someone to give you
For example, buying yourself flowers. Trust me, I like the idea of getting flowers, though I’m allergic to most of them, I love the gesture.
Buying yourself something that you expect someone else to buy for you can be quite powerful. Why is it powerful you ask? Because, it’s an expectation that was set, but why can’t we buy it ourselves? In my case, I am more inclined to buy books. And the feeling of getting it… gives me feel pure bliss.
- Move your body
I didn’t say exercise gorgeous, I said move your body. Moving your body gives you more energy and improves your mood, and guess what, it is happiness starting in you. Happiness starts inside of you. Self-love is also making sure that you are moving your body. May it be going for a walk, doing push-ups at home, cleaning the house, going outside. Something to move your body.
One thing I observe is when I come home and sat on the couch for hours, I actually feel unfulfilled.
I have heard this quote from the mindset mentor podcast, Rob Dial, that “Action drowns inaction”.
Instead of you thinking of needing to do something. Beating yourself up mentally for not doing it, actually stand up and do it.
- Have a spa day
Yes, as we all know, “spa day” means pampering yourself, it is definitely a form of self-love. I love getting massages and wish to get them more often. You deserve to have a relaxing moment with yourself and even with your friends. Men, well, a haircut or mani and Pedi can be a spa day too!
Resting was tough for me to apply, but what do I mean by resting and how is it connected to your own happiness.
Well let’s see, have you hustled through your day even though you’re feeling under the weather? Like, oh I don’t know, going to work even though you have flu. In my case, going to work while having a bad allergic reaction. Gasping for air and hives all over my body even though my body is screaming, “what are you doing, I wanted to rest!”
Feeling like sh*t, unable to focus, hurting… how does that make you happy?
I know, I know, you’ll say, well, I have to suck it up to get the job done, and trust me, I had the same mentality. But is your health not that important though? Will the world burn down while you rest?
Notice this, do you get better if you push through doing something as your sick body does everything it can to keep you functioning? Or do you get better quicker when you take a break and rest?
Another example for women and I experienced it this weekend. I was out and about with my very close friends walking around the strip in Las Vegas with high heels on.
I love when they say, “Pain is beauty and beauty is pain”, which has become a mantra for women.
To me though, it’s a matter of perspective, we are all entitled to it. I chose not to suffer from that pain, I took my heels off, and walked barefoot. It may sound nasty but I got over it because guess what, I took care of my body first. I took care of my feet that were screaming from inside my shoes suffering in agony… well you get the picture if you’re a woman who wears high heels. And by doing so, I walked that strip like a little kid, exploring a familiar place with no care in the world, and boy that gave me happiness.
So, those are the few tips to show self-love gorgeous. I challenge you to do them, and share them in the comment below or send me a private message. Sometimes you have to Focus on YOU. Care for YOU, Love YOU. Because if you don’t start to make yourself happy, how would you expect others to make YOU happy? Happiness starts with YOU!