Confidently You

Category: Mindset

  • Self-belief is all you needed – Pep Talk

    Self-belief is all you needed – Pep Talk

    Today’s blog post talks about how “self-belief is all you needed” to live your life. In my post, “5 Little-Known steps to become confident with yourself”, I shared 5 easy steps to develop self-confidence. Those steps helped me tremendously in my journey to confidence. If you have been following my blog post for quite some time and following the teachings in it. I am confident that you have developed a certain level of confidence by now.

    Now, as you know, I am very passionate about confidence. Confidence is actually equal to self-belief. Self-belief means believing in yourself so that you can move to the next level of your life.

    Miss World Winner of 2000, Priyanka Chopra said…

    The only accessory that you need to wear well is confidence

    Priyanka Chopra “2000 Miss World Winner”

    I love that. But why do you think that is? Why is Self-belief a.k.a confidence the accessory that you needed to wear well?

    Why is self-belief all you needed?

    • If you don’t believe in yourself, who else would?
    • You are more inclined to see results
    • Other people are inclined to listen

    If you don’t believe in yourself, who else would?

    I have asked myself this over and over before when I didn’t have the self-belief. Ernie, if you don’t believe in yourself, who else would?

    I know you have big dreams. I know you have desires to reach. How will you be able to get there? How will you be able to reach, your definition of success without the self-belief that you can?

    Bonnie Ware, an Australian Nurse shared in her book, “The Top Five Regrets of Dying”, one of the regrets that she gathered was, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

    This is huge in my culture. You may be one of those people who is living a life that others expect you to be. Like say, your parents want you to become a lawyer, so you did. But you wanted to become a singer. Something that your parents do not approve of and because you didn’t want to hurt your parents, you followed what they want you to do.

    I am not saying to be a bad child and not listen to your parents, actually, I am. You may hate me for this, but I want you to do what YOU want to do. It is easier said than done, I know. But it is not selfish to do what you love. It is not selfish to do what makes you happy. Because otherwise, your self-belief will slowly go away. I know you don’t want to live an unhappy life right?

    And the way to where you are and where you want to go may be rocky, but guess what? As long as you believe that you can get there. You will get there.

    Another thing is, we all have fears. We have limiting beliefs. And they can cripple you sometimes. But once you’ve developed a certain level of self-belief even if you’re scared AF, you will get there. At least hold on to the idea that you are doing what YOU wanted to do. Not what others want you to do.

    You are more inclined to see results

    Acting in self-belief gives you results. Like I said earlier, you will face fears and limiting beliefs. They are meant to show up to protect you. Though that is a good intention it will stop you from seeing your full potential.

    I’ve shared before that I wanted to become a motivational speaker. I didn’t believe that I can do it at first. I didn’t know how I will get there but I trusted in the process. Deep inside of me agrees that it is my purpose. So, I worked towards what I am called to do. Fast forward one year, and I am now a licensed public speaker. And last night, I did my very first speaking engagement. If I didn’t believe that I can do it along the way, I would have never had the results I have now.

    So gorgeous, believe in yourself. Hold on to that self-belief and start taking action and I promise you, you will see results. It’s just a matter of time.

    Other people are inclined to listen

    I wanted to be transparent, this is not going to happen in the first attempt to show self-belief to others. Sometimes, it takes a little bit more action. But why am I sharing that once you have that self-belief, other people are inclined to listen?

    Because they will. Not right away, but they will. In any field that you want to succeed in, if you exude self-belief, people will see that. They will feel it whenever they are around you. And here’s the kicker, once they have proven it, you can then impact them. Influence them. Help them. Or lead them.

    Self-belief is important in order to show others that they too can reach the same level of belief that you have in yourself.

    Remember the goal is to always start within! I’ve always believed that in order to influence others, I need to influence myself first. In order to grow others, I need to grow myself first. If that is your goal, well you now know that you need that self-belief first.

    I cannot wait to hear your input about this blog post and as always, please share this with others whom you think need to read this. And as always…

    Be Confidently YOU!

  • Knowing the people you surround yourself with – Self-acceptance rule

    Knowing the people you surround yourself with – Self-acceptance rule

    Yes, gorgeous, knowing the people you surround yourself with is a self-acceptance rule.

    You’re probably asking how self-acceptance relates to the people you surround yourself with. Well, let me enlighten you.

    One of the factors that make us who we are today is the people we surround ourselves with. As you have learned from my previous blog post, “Why is Self-Acceptance a path worth taking“. I shared that learning about self-acceptance also gives you a better understanding of others. This means knowing the people you surround yourself with.

    These people are your loved ones. Your family. Friends. Partner. Co-worker. Basically, the people who are within your network. The same people who we tend to ask for advice for any life decisions that we have to make.

    You know that moment when you wanted to become a singer, yet your parents want you to work in the medical field?

    In moments when you are tired of your job and you wanted to quit. Yet a good friend of yours tells you that there are no other jobs better than what you have. Why quit?

    Or when you started a business or become an entrepreneur, yet someone close to you says, it’s a scam. Another person would say, don’t do it, you are taking away your fixed income.

    Now, I am not here to say that these people are there to crush your dreams. Or these people are bad for you. Far from that! What I want you to learn from this post are:

    • These people respond based on their mindset, not yours
    • These people may not see the vision that you have
    • They can hinder you from doing what will make you happy

    This is why the title of this blog post is “knowing the people you surround yourself with”. I wanted to share how I’ve learned to analyze the people I surround myself with to use it to my own advantage.

    Remember the quote…

    You cannot change the people around you but you can change the people around you.

    -anonymous

    Such a mind puzzle right? It means that you cannot change the people around you right now. But you can change the people you surround yourself with. So, if you know the people you surround yourself with, you will know how to react around them. Let’s dive in.

    Knowing the people you surround yourself with

    People who are negative Nancy

    I hate to break it to you but being around these types of people is not inspiring. Those people always talk negatively about everything. Regardless of what activity you’re doing. Cooking. Watching a movie. Relaxing by the beach. These are the type of people who always have something to complain about. Again, you cannot change the people around you, but you don’t need to be around them all the time.

    You see, it’s so easy to focus on the negative all the time. News feeds us negative stories. Unfortunate events. Which can result in anxiety and fears. Now, if you can choose the data you consume, well you can also choose the people to gather data from.

    I am not saying to stop seeing these people. I am challenging you to spend less time with them and analyze how much change it is in your own personal emotions. Try it! I’ve done this and all I felt was… peace.

    People who do not agree with your vision

    Again, I’m not telling you to kick these people out of your life. I would just recommend finding the people who have the credentials to share your vision. Let me give you an example. When you are sick, you would go to a doctor and use their expertise to treat you correct? If you want to lose weight, you would go to a fitness guru or a trainer to help you with it. It’s the same concept with everything else in your life.

    Qualify the people whom you will share your vision with. If you want to quit your job and get a better one, confide with people who are doing the job that you want. Or the people who have done the same leap that you plan to do. If your goal is to start your own business, do not ask your uncle who does not have any experience. Ask the person who has done it or the person who is currently in the transition of starting a business.

    The people who have experience and knowledge about the path that you wanted to take will understand you in starting that journey. Trust me, a lot of them would even help you with it.

    People who drain your energy

    Do you know people whom when you spend time with them for a few minutes? Or for a short period of time. And you feel drained?

    Disclaimer, these are not your kids. I know you have to chase them around. Care for them and make sure that they stay alive. That is not the type of feeling drained that I am talking about.

    Go ahead, sit down and reflect on the times when you are around people and analyze how you felt after. You will realize what I mean. Now, again there is nothing wrong with hanging out with these people but you have to give yourself boundaries.

    If you keep hanging out with these people, you will end up with an empty cup. And you cannot give anything back with an empty cup.

    So there you have it, knowing the people you surround yourself with. Analyzing and realizing how these three types of people can affect my day-to-day activities and emotions, helped me become more intentional with whom I spend my time.

    I challenge you to do the same analysis and apply the recommendation given. And I would love to get your input about this post by commenting below.

  • Simple ways to “declutter your life and mind”

    Simple ways to “declutter your life and mind”

    What? You are probably asking what I mean by simple ways to declutter your life and mind. I honestly said the same thing when I learned about this.

    Do you know that overwhelming experience that you feel on a day-to-day basis?

    You are probably thinking of “declutter your life” meaning tidying up your home and organizing things and making sure that everything is clean. Though that is part of it. It’s not what I meant when I said decluttering your life and mind.

    Don’t get me wrong, I love coming home to a house that is clean and organized. You can probably relate but my very first task of the day is to make my bed.

    What I mean by it though is reorganizing every other aspect that can cause you to feel overwhelmed. Something that can cause you to feel anxious. And worried. So, below are the simple ways to declutter your life and mind.

    Simple ways to declutter your life and mind

    • Clear up your phone and social media
    • Choose the data you consume
    • Be picky with the people you spend time with
    • Purge in your house
    • Meditating
    • Power of 5
    • Be one with nature

    Clear up your phone and social media

    We use our phones as our source to kill time. To avoid awkward moments. To fill the void, that silence that we experience.

    But do you know that your phone can be a cause of feeling overwhelmed and anxious?

    This is why cleaning up your phone and social media is a way to declutter your life and mind.

    The applications on your phone can be very overwhelming. The moment you open your eyes, the first thing you look at is your phone and all the apps on it. Reorganize it.

    Categorize them in a way that makes sense to you. I categorized anything that is related to money as “I am abundant”. Applications related to learning as “I am wise”. And those related to health as “I am healthy”. (See images below to compare the difference).

    Another tip would be decluttering your friends on social media. Friends on Facebook that you do not interact with, please unfriend them. People you follow on social media who do not add up to your mental wellness. Please do yourself a favor and unfollow them.

    This tip was so liberating for me because it gave me peace of mind after. I don’t have to see negative posts. Or anything about hatred. Or posts that cause me to feel angry.

    Choose the data you consume

    Yes, choose the data that you consume. This can help you minimize the anxiety that you feel afterward.

    One huge piece of data that does not help you is watching the news. Because when was the last time you watched the news and felt good?

    It talks about recession. The coronavirus. War. And all other negative things. It’s not a bad thing to be in the know, but do not immerse yourself in it. News feeds your fear. Anxiety. And worry.

    So, declutter your life by choosing the data you consume.

    Be picky with the people you spend time with

    In my blog post, 4 Ways to keep positivity in your life, I shared that in order to keep positivity in your life. You need to surround yourself with positive people. And don’t worry I will not say to get rid of the negative people in your life. Those people can be your partner. Your best friend or anyone close. But at least do yourself a favor and spend less time with them. It’s not always easy to do this, but your sanity and peace are important too. It’s not being selfish. Once you focus on yourself first, the better you show up for others. So declutter your life by being picky with the people you spend time with.

    Declutter your life by purging in your house

    Okay okay, I am not disregarding the people who like clutter and chaos. Somehow there are people who can effectively function in this type of environment. I wanted to focus on the people who thrive in a clean, organized, and tidy environment.

    Cleaning my house is a stress reliever for me. It’s still true to this day. You may find it weird, but I find satisfaction in buying cleaning products. There is something about coming home with a clean and tidy house. It feels homey. If that makes sense.

    But let’s get deeper into this. You know when you moved into your new home or apartment and it felt empty? Like you almost have no furniture and items in the house? Then somehow a year later, you look at all the things that you have accumulated over the years.

    Yes! I can guarantee you that most of those things no longer serve you. So, declutter your life by purging in your house. Clothes that you never wore or no longer wear, donate them to the thrift store or charity.

    I send most of my unused clothes back home.

    Kitchen items that you said you need yet never used. Things in your garage that you bought because they were on sale but never used. Purge, purge, purge. This will lessen the burden and the overwhelm that you feel.

    Declutter your life by meditating

    One way to declutter your life and mind is by meditating. I say life and mind because meditation has that result. When you meditate, you don’t just clear your mind, it gives you a better direction in your life as well. It helps you refocus if you will.

    I remember when I was starting my journey and was learning about meditation. It definitely caught my curiosity. I tried doing it but when I do, the first thing that comes to mind is food. Yup, you read it right. Food. I could not focus because I was getting hungry.

    Until I learned about guided meditation and it changed the game for me. So, meditation may sound intimidating. But there are different types or ways of meditation. I learned from church today that we all meditate every day. How? We meditate by worrying.

    This is so true. Because we sit in our minds going on a downward spiral within our own thoughts. This also confirms that whoever you are and wherever you are, you can meditate.

    Guided meditation helped me find peace after a stressful day. It helps me refocus when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I even find healing in it when I’m hurting. Try this guided meditation and see how it goes for you.

    The power of 5

    Do you feel like you have so many things that you need to do but never had the time to do them?

    Let me introduce you to the power of 5. This simple way is way more productive than when you are in your head thinking of things that you need to do. Yet tell yourself you don’t have time.

    Disclaimer, tough love coming through. I have heard this time and time again, I wanted to do this. I wish I could do that. I’m interested…. but I don’t have the time.

    How in the world can you say that you don’t have the time when you haven’t even tried?

    Trust me, this was a slap on my face too. I learned that saying “I don’t have time is an excuse”.

    There is an underlying fear in that excuse that is why you won’t even try. But what is even more painful for me when I was lectured about this was, that not having time means it’s not your priority.

    So, if you wanted to start with personal development yet you say it’s too hard, I don’t have time.

    If you want to lose weight, but failed because you don’t have time.

    I don’t have time for myself because I’m busy with my family.

    All these means that whatever it is that you are saying you don’t have time to, is just NOT. YOUR. PRIORITY.

    I know, it heard a nerve for me too.

    So, one way to declutter your life and mind of all the anxiety and guilt is to use the power of 5. This method is listing 5 items that you plan to do and accomplish tomorrow. Focus on one task and one task only. Once done, move on to the next.

    I promise you, that you will be productive. And not having time will not even be in the picture. Try it and let me know how it goes in the comments below.

    Being one with nature is a way to declutter your life

    If you have been reading my blogs for the past 6 months, you have probably come across this. And yes, being one with nature is a way to declutter your life. It’s like a reset button.

    This is why a lot of people want to go on vacations by the water. Some love being around trees.

    There is something about being in nature that gives you that sense of peace. Calmness. And it regenerates and fills your energy.

    I do this once in a while to reset. And honor me. To reflect on and celebrate my progress. I highly recommend it.

    So there you go, 7 simple ways to declutter your life. This blog post if applied is a priceless token of information. It was life-changing for me, and I know it will be for you too.

    I would love to read your thoughts below.

  • At Last, The Secret To “Power of Words” Revealed

    At Last, The Secret To “Power of Words” Revealed

    At last, The secret to “power of words” revealed! Yes! Your words are very powerful and with everything that I am seeing and hearing right now. Even with myself. I wanted to give this information to give you guidance on how to use your words to your advantage.

    A few months back, a good friend of mine Eric Douglas, recommended for me to read the book, “What to say when you talk to yourself”. by Shad Helmstetter PhD. Now, I highly recommend reading it.

    The title itself says it all. And it’s quite practical.

    Do you ever stop and analyze how you talk to yourself?

    And no! I did not mean talking to yourself like you’re crazy.

    It’s far from that. I know that we do tend to talk to ourselves. Plenty of time even.

    But just out of curiosity, do you stop and see how your conversations with yourself make you feel?

    If the answer is no. It’s okay. That is what this blog post is for.

    I learned a long time ago that your words can either empower you or weaken you.

    So, In this blog post, I wanted to share the secret to the “Power of words”.

    Secret to the Power of Words

    • Positive self talk
    • One “word” strategy
    • Affirmations

    Positive Self-talk

    What we “say” about ourselves, we tend to believe. What we believe, we tend to act. What we act, we tend to become

    Dr. John Maxwell

    One of the forms of self-love that I have learned is positive self-talk. And I can guarantee with you right now that this is not something that you practice all the time.

    How so? I’m glad you asked. That is because it is so easy to practice negative self-talk. It’s easy enough that we do it unconsciously.

    When you’re given a compliment, “You look good!” Sometimes you’ll respond, “Ugh, I look so ugly!”

    When you forgot to do something. Or when you made a mistake. Your first reaction is, “I’m so stupid.”

    You look in the mirror, and the first you say, “I am so fat”.

    How do these comments to yourself make you feel?

    And what’s funny is, we get so upset when other people call us ugly. When they call us stupid. We get so furious when they call us fat. When in all reality, we are the bully.

    Think about that for a second.

    So, I challenge you. For the next 21 days, bring a small notebook and a pen with you. And every time, you say something negative about yourself. At night, shift that to a positive.

    When you call yourself dumb. Change that to, “I am smart”.

    At times when you feel like saying, “Why me?”. Say, “This is preparing me for something bigger!”

    And instead of saying, “I am not enough”. I am the first to tell you, “You are more than enough.”

    I wanted to add this, at times you will ask yourself, “what if it doesn’t work?”.

    See how easy it is to focus on the negative? But, what if you ask, “what if it does work?”. Doesn’t that empower you? It gives you that jolt of confidence?

    Go ahead gorgeous, practice that. Feel the change. And remember, the power of words in shaping your life.

    One “word” strategy

    This secret has been a big help for me. You might have read or heard me say this. In December of 2020, my online best friend, Katie and I made a pack that in 2021 we will live by the word “Uncomfortable”. And boy, we did get uncomfortable throughout the whole year.

    And to be honest, up to this year. I don’t remember how we picked a word. It was in a middle of a conversation and we were preparing for the new year.

    I didn’t even know that living a whole year around one word was a strategy. Until I read it in the 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth book by Dr. John Maxwell.

    In that book, Dr. John Maxwell explained that focusing on one word, helps a person to stay intentional. And I do agree.

    It’s a powerful secret because based on my experience, it helped me stay on track. It’s so simple that I can easily remember it.

    2021 was very uncomfortable for me because of the following:

    • I asked for help by hiring a coach
    • I surrendered my belief in the power of manifestation
    • I found out my life’s purpose (I’m sure you know this by now)
    • I found out about the John Maxwell team and immersed myself in learning

    Good things happen when you focus on one thing. And in this case, focus on “One word”.

    I would like to challenge you with this, think of a word that you describes you. What would that be?

    Power of words – Affirmations

    Ernie, affirmations doesn’t work.

    Yes, I have heard this before. I’m going to let you in on a secret. I thought of the same thing. My bullsh*t radar keeps coming on every time I wrote an affirmation.

    I learned about affirmations 4 years ago. We were asked to write gratitude and affirmations every day. The gratitude part was fun. It helped me appreciate all the things around me.

    But when it’s time to write my affirmations. I hated it. That feeling like I was lying to myself.

    I am rich. Money is flowing in my life. I have all the confidence in the world.

    As I write those words, my mind was screaming, BS, BS, BS.

    It’s not until I learned that affirmations doesn’t work when done incorrectly.

    Affirmations only work when the affirmation applies to your current situation and if you believe.

    Say, you wanted to start a business. The affirmation that you were writing was, I have a successful business. Yet, you are not making any money and barely knew what to do.

    I learned that if you shift it with an affirmation that says, “I am blessed that I get to start my own business.” “I am working on achieving success through my business.” It applies to you. And it’s very empowering. Right?

    Instead of saying, “I am rich”. Say, “I love money and money loves me.”

    You get the gist. Affirmations work if it’s in the present and if you believe in it.

    There you have it gorgeous, the secrets to the power of your words. Again, words can either empower you or weaken you. Using those three secrets can definitely empower you and change how you face your day to day journey.

    I will tell you now though that it will not happen overnight. Don’t give up. Keep at it. And it will eventually come naturally.

    Let me know your thoughts on the comment below and if you found value in this blog post, share it with your friends. Let’s spread awareness to positivity.

    Yours truly,

    Ernie

  • Impeccable reasoning behind the question, “Why not You?”

    Impeccable reasoning behind the question, “Why not You?”

    Why not you? In this blog post, I wanted to give you the impeccable reasoning behind the question, why not you?

    It is my greatest dream to write a book that will make an impact on a lot of people. And I’ve decided that the title of my first book will be, “Why not you?”.

    “Why”, you ask?

    “Because why not?”

    Think about this for a second. Sometimes, when you see something that you want to do. Something that you’re really interested in. The first thing you do is talk yourself out of it.

    You may not agree with me, but let me give you an example.

    Seeing beautiful pictures on social media. This gives you the desire to travel there too. Yet, the first thing that comes to mind is, “I don’t have the money”. You just talked yourself out of it.

    Robert Kiyosaki explained the difference between a winner and loser mindset. The winner mindset finds out a way to solve the problem. The loser mindset, states the problem and stops there. A little harsh but sometimes, we do need some tough love.

    So, using the same example above, if you wanted to travel, “why not?”

    You are probably rolling your eyes at me as you read this. But let me explain with the following reasons below.

    The reasoning behind the question, “Why not You?”

    • You have a burning desire to do it, why not you?
    • You’re capable of doing it
    • Your will to learn and take action will help you
    • Other people have the same fears, yet still, did it, so why not you?

    You have a burning desire to do it

    Going back to the same example above, you have a burning desire to travel.

    Yes, yes, I get it, money is the problem. But you can save money though right?

    In my blog post, “You are what you are meant to be”, I used Eleanor Rooseve’ts words. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. So, in that sense, if you are letting money stop you from doing what you want to do. Then you are giving it consent to make you feel inferior.

    Knowing you, you are more capable than that. This leads us to the next reason behind the question, “why not you?”

    You’re capable of doing it

    Like me, I am confident that you know within you that you are capable. And you can apply this to any aspect of your life. You don’t give yourself enough credit though.

    I wanted you to stop for a second and reflect on every hardship. Every struggle. Even the problems that you never thought you will never get out of. You got through them. Think about that. If you were capable of going through those problems, struggles, and trials. What is different from what you are facing now? It’s just another problem, right?

    I saw this movie yesterday called, The Grayman on Netflix. Ryan Gosling was the main actor there, as a trained assassin. He used the phrase, “It’s just another Thursday”, to give Claire (actress in the movie), assurance that everything will be okay. An impeccable mindset to have before he faces his opponent.

    I plan to apply that in my life whenever I feel stuck. It’s just another Thursday. Just like, it’s just a regular day. Then figure out how to solve the problem.

    And guess what? YOU.CAN.TOO!

    You are capable! So, why not you?

    Your will to learn and take action will help you

    Again, why not you?

    “I don’t know how,” you say.

    Yes, I know, you may not see the path now, but it’s okay.

    One thing I learned in my journey is, that I don’t have to have all the answers.

    And I would like to let you in on a secret. Part of manifestation is co-creation. If you believe in God, the universe, or whatever faith you have. You co-create.

    I co-create with my God. I take action based on what I can. And my will to learn. Now the path is my God’s part of co-creating. He leads the way.

    So, in your scenario, I recommend using this concept. Learn as much as you can. Take action to your capabilities. And whatever is unclear right now. Ask for guidance.

    Other people have the same fears, yet still, did it, so why not you?

    There is probably at some point of you reading this post where your mind is screaming. Saying, “No, Ernie, you don’t understand.”

    The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.

    -Steve Jobs

    I may not understand what your mind is telling you right now. But here is what I know. Those voices in your head. Those are what we call, “False evidence appearing real”, a.k.a. FEAR.

    And to tell you the truth, we all have it. Again, as I said, before you can even come up with a solution to taking action, you have talked yourself out of it. That is your fear.

    Lisa Nichols shared in one of her speeches that she was given the response by one of her clients and said, “I’ve always been this way.” And her response was, “How is that working out for you?” And that hit me.

    We can make that comment, but how is our mindset? How is our decision towards the things that we desire to do working out for us?

    If your answer is, that it’s not working out. Then, take action. Make a change. Give yourself permission to try!

    Other people who had made it did it scared. Why not you?

    Now, the intention of this blog post is to empower you. To show you that you have options. Help you realize that you are capable. But at the end of the day, when all the noise is gone.

    Reflect and ask yourself, “Why not me?”

  • Simple Ways to Manage Stress in Your Life

    Simple Ways to Manage Stress in Your Life

    Yes, you read that right. Simple ways to manage stress in your life is our topic this week.

    According to Medline Plus, “Stress is your body’s reaction to a challenge or demand.” And there are two types of stress; acute and chronic stress.

    Acute stress is short-term, chronic stress lasts for longer times or comes and goes. Chronic stress can cause anxiety. Both anxiety and stress are not good feelings.

    Lack of sleep. No energy. Living anxiously are a few examples of its outcomes.

    And trust me, I know how it felt like. It wasn’t fun at all.

    We all have stressors in life.

    Job. Family. Bills. Problems. Future. Money. Covid. News. Just to name a few.

    The title of this blog post is to manage stress. Not to get rid of stress. Why? Because stress is normal. It’s how our body reacts when things feel overwhelming. And when we feel like we’re losing control.

    Stress is something that we can potentially face every day. But why face it, when you can manage it?

    So there you are, I am sharing the “simple” ways to manage stress in your life. Simple, because it is. And it’s all free!

    Ways to manage stress in your life

    • Write it down
    • The 5-second rule
    • Deep breathing or Box breathing
    • Be one with nature

    Write it down

    Write down what? Yes, I told you it would be simple. Write it down. One cause of stress is the thought of all the things that you need to do. It doesn’t matter if it was a project that you are working on at work. Or the errands that you have to make at home. Write it down.

    Instead of going through the process of trying to remember it. And ending up feeling overwhelmed. Write it down. There is something about seeing it all written down. Versus trying to fish it in your mind.

    I plan ahead. I would either write everything that I need to do for the next day the night before. Or if I am extra motivated, I will plan my whole week. I highly recommend that you try it out.

    The 5-second rule

    I learned the 5-second rule from Mel Robbins. It’s from her book, “The 5 Second Rule” you can buy it by clicking on the link. This means that you need to count to five but backward. 5,4,3,2,1.

    This technique is perfect when you are going on a downward spiral and feeling stressed out. It’s a pattern interrupt as they call it. Count to five backward and it will bring you back to your original calm state. The book explains the science behind it.

    Deep breathing/box breathing

    I love love this way of managing stress. To be honest, I use breathing techniques in a lot of things.

    I’ve used it when I’m feeling overwhelmed and just needed that feeling of calmness.

    The other day, I had another one of those migraine attacks that I have not experienced in years. Even the medications didn’t work. So, I decided to lay in bed. Tried to gain control over the massive pain. Started box breathing. Meaning, breathing in slowly at the count of four. Again, count up to 4 while slowly breathing out. It works!

    If you want to test it even more. I close my eyes when doing this and I imagine myself in black and white. And whatever it is that I am feeling. Pain or anxiety. I assign a color to it. Then imagine that whenever I do the breathing process, it is the color that I am breathing out. It’s not voodoo or any witchcraft. It happens to work for me every time.

    Be one with nature

    Out of all the ways I’ve tried and shared with you, being one with nature is my favorite. Even though, being out in nature triggers my allergies. I wouldn’t replace it for anything.

    Sitting down on a beach while looking over the view of a lake is my way of being one with nature. I like the stillness of the water. The green color that it mirrors the trees. The sound of the birds as they fly by. And the breeze. It’s perfect. I challenge you to find your way of being one with nature.

    Go to the beach. Hike. Walk in a park. Can be somewhere you can start.

    So, there you have it. Simple ways to manage stress! And they are all free. Sometimes, we seek professional help to manage our stressors. Which can be good, but start somewhere first. Start within. Find what technique or way works for you based on the tips I’ve provided.

    Now, I want to remind you though that applying these ways does not mean that it will work overnight. It requires repetition and adjustments. But one thing I assure you. If you stay consistent in using even just one technique. It will work wonders and will help you manage the stress in your life.

  • Reasons why you are an independent person

    Reasons why you are an independent person

    Reasons, why you are an independent person, is our topic for today, in lieu of Independence Day in America. Yes, I know that in my heart that you are independent. My question to you is, “Do you know that you are independent?”

    In my blog post, “Gorgeous, How to know that you are the strategy?”. I explained why you have everything that you need to pursue what you are meant in life. Today, I wanted to explain the reasons why you are an independent person.

    According to dictionary.com, independent is defined as;

    not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself: an independent thinker. not subject to another’s authority or jurisdiction; autonomous; free: an independent businessman. not influenced by the thought or action of others:

    Now, this blog post may sound unbelievable to you, or it can be an eye-opener. As, always, I aim to empower you. So, this can confirm that you are independent. Or open your eyes that your perception of yourself as being dependent is incorrect.

    Reasons why you are an independent person:

    • You are taking risks
    • You make decisions and stick to them
    • You are not easily influenced by others
    • You are willing to change or form new habits

    You are taking risks

    Gorgeous, you may not realize it, but you do take risks every day.

    • Driving to your destination
    • Working to not get fired
    • Starting a new business
    • Being in a relationship
    • Moving from one place to another
    • Getting up in the morning

    Taking risks is doing something that may result in a loss or failure. Sometimes, we only recognize certain things as “taking a risk”, like gambling. But if you look at it from a different perspective. You are gambling every day.

    Driving to your destination is taking risks. RIsk of being in a car accident. Working is taking a risk as well. Risk of not getting fired. Starting a new business if that is your passion is a risk. Risk of the business closing. Being in a relationship is a risk. Risk of losing that person. Moving to another location is a risk. Risk of that place not working out for you. Getting up in the morning is a risk. Risk of losing sleep. Or having a bad day.

    You get the message right? We do take risks e-ve-ry-day. Most of those risks are out of our control. But we still do them.

    So, if you think that you are not independent. You do take risks, And that is one reason why you are an independent person.

    You make decisions and stick to them

    Making decisions on your own and sticking to them is one reason why you are independent. It’s not just about being firm. Or be sure of your decisions. It is making decisions and sticking to them even though you don’t know the outcome.

    Do you know the word “perfectionists”? The idea that something has to be perfect before you present it? I have learned that is fear. Fear of not being good enough. And it is fine. But think of this for a second, how will you know that it is perfect if you do not show it? If you have not tried it?

    Just like the examples I gave above. You getting up in the morning is a decision. And you stick to that decision. It may take you a little while to make a firm decision to get up by hitting the snooze button. But once you are up. Your day starts.

    Still not convinced? When you decide to leave your home to do something. May that be going to work. Going on vacation. Or running errands. Do you change your mind? And say, I am not leaving because I may get into an accident. You don’t right?

    Gorgeous, you are capable of making decisions and sticking to them. In life, sometimes we just have to make decisions without having all the answers. And own it. It may not work at first, but it’s okay.

    John Maxwell said, “You will always suck the first time.” And that is so true.

    You are not easily influenced by others

    We all know that not being easily influenced by others is one of the signs of an independent person. But what does that really mean?

    You will always be surrounded by other people in your life. Your friends. Family. Acquaintances. Media. News. Mentors. Those account as “others”.

    Let’s say that you wanted to start your own business. A family member would say, “Don’t because it doesn’t give you a steady income.” This can result in you doubting your decision of starting your own business.

    But let’s say, you had a baby and the baby is running a high fever and wheezing. A family member comes in and says, “The baby is fine. it’s part of growing”. As a parent, will this cause you to doubt that comment? Yes, right? You will make a decision and bring your baby to the hospital.

    Let me break it down. Both examples I gave evoke emotion. The first one is uncertainty. The second one can also show uncertainty but the stronger emotion evoked is love.

    When you haven’t seen the value of something. You are not fully committed to it. If you haven’t made a decision that you love that one thing. It is easy to let it go. It is easy for others to influence you of letting it go.

    In the first example, what you had was desire. You want to start a new business. Not knowing how. Where. When. But you know in your heart why. You are just uncertain of all the logistics.

    The second example shows that you have a foundation of love. You’ve developed a bond with the baby for nine months. Had invested time in caring for it and realized the importance of your baby. That is why you can easily make a decision and not easily be influenced by others. Regardless if they are your family.

    You are willing to change or form new habits

    Yes, the willingness to change or form new habits is another reason why you are an independent person. How?

    Okay, if your marriage or relationship is not working out, what do you do?

    You can do one of two things. One, change some things and make it work. Two, walk away and start a new life.

    If you’ve never had a business but you have that burning desire to do so. Wouldn’t you find ways how to make it work? That calls for a change in your schedule. And that will also result in your growth.

    At work, if your boss tells you that your performance is low. You can do two things. Make a change in yourself and improve. Or change your employer.

    These are decisions that you have to make a change. Or form a new habit.

    You are probably rolling your eyes at me. And saying Ernie these are not examples of an independent person. The examples are too easy and it’s what we do every day. I hear ya! And that’s my whole point, most of the examples I have given are examples where you have gained confidence. When you are comfortable doing things on a daily basis. You tend to lose sight of giving yourself credit for where you started in the first place.

    But once you are faced with uncertainty. With anything new. You doubt your own skills. Capabilities. You doubt your knowledge. Sometimes doubt your vision even.

    I am setting a foundation for you. And giving you a reminder, that yes, you may confide with others. You may seek help and need to be with someone in order to take action. Make a decision, Or take a risk. At the end of the day. YOU. ARE. THE. ONE. TAKING. ACTION. And that is the reason why you are an independent person.

  • Knowing the Difference between fixed and growth mindset

    Knowing the Difference between fixed and growth mindset

    To me, knowing the difference between fixed and growth mindset is important. Read through this entire blog post to find out why.

    I am passionate about this topic because this is not something that is always taught in school.

    Growing up, I believed that if I failed a subject in class, that meant I am dumb.

    I remember in elementary and high school, the classrooms are arranged in a certain way. The ones with the highest grades in academics were in the first section. The second, third, and fourth sections are arranged as follows. And now reflecting on it made me realize that we are segregated and judged at a very young age. Because of that, it instilled a mindset that we are not as good as the ones in the first grade. That’s sad, ain’t it?

    At a young age, we were taught that if we are not as good as the ones on top, we will remain at the end of the herd. A mindset that ruins our confidence in every aspect of our lives. Now, this is my observation though.

    What is mindset?

    My mindset was one of the things that I needed to improve in my personal development journey. But what hit home for me was learning about the difference between the fixed and growth mindset. Carol S. Dweck beautifully explained the concept of mindset through her book, Mindset. In it, she defined it as, ” “the view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life.”

    To me, Mindset means how you view life through your own lens. It consists of your own beliefs, values, and knowledge. And the type of mindset determines how you will live your life.

    Mindset by Carol Dweck Ph.D

    What is it like having a fixed mindset?

    Having a fixed mindset means no growth. A fixed mindset means having limitations. And fixed mindset will result in feeling stuck. I can say this because I was there too.

    I’ve always believed that I cannot improve my skills. If I don’t know how to do it, I cannot learn it.

    Let’s use confidence as an example. I lost my confidence in myself years ago. I moved to a completely different country without knowing its culture. It was a culture shock. Which resulted in an inferiority complex.

    I lost my confidence when I divorced my husband which made me think that I will never be good enough. Or I am too much for someone.

    Reminiscing my thoughts then makes me want to hug the old me. It was a devastating period of my life.

    The thought of being not good enough made me feel uneasy about a lot of things. My work. How I carried myself. And how I treated myself.

    I used to dim my light. Thinking that I will not measure up. I’ve always been shy and in the back of a room just observing and listening. Instead of giving my thoughts and ideas. And I beat myself up emotionally whenever I made mistakes. All that made me feel anxious.

    Having a fixed mindset resulted in me taking criticism as personal. I always felt attacked when someone tells me their opinions about my work or me personally.

    And the worst part of it all was, that I had the mindset of I am good enough where I am and I will not grow out of there.

    What is it like having a growth mindset?

    A growth mindset is just exactly what it is, growth.

    Instead of thinking, I am not good enough. It is thinking, how can I improve?

    It is the opposite of “I can’t”, it is saying, “how can I learn”?

    Having a growth mindset looks at failure as an opportunity to grow. This was huge for me because I hated failing. I hated making mistakes then. Failing and making mistakes made me feel inadequate.

    Remember when I said, I would beat myself up emotionally? It is true.

    Have you tried playing the scene or situation in your head? And tried to figure out ways on how you could have done it differently? Or what could you have said differently? I did that. Many times. It gave me anxiety because I know I cannot change that situation at all. I’ve called myself names. Stupid. You suck. Dumb. Which again affected my confidence.

    Do you want to know what opened my eyes in all this at the very beginning? It is when I found out that confidence is not a personality trait. Confidence is a skill. A skill is something you can learn. It is something you can improve. And I have been obsessed to learn and improve my confidence since.

    Comparing the fixed and growth mindsets

    Henry Ford had said…

    Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t. You are right!

    Henry Ford

    Whether you think you can, or you think you cannot, you are right! It is true! Because it is all based on your mindset!

    I said earlier that having a fixed mindset will result in feeling stuck and based on my past experience, it is true.

    I used to be so unhappy with my job. The politics. The stress. And the anxiety it gave me. I felt stuck. And I settled because I thought nothing is better out there.

    I was also scared of starting new. I also thought that if I leave, I could fail. This was all because I had a fixed mindset.

    But I had this burning desire inside of me. The desire of being happy. Being at peace. And just being me. I am not saying I wanted to live a perfect life because what is the fun in that right? I am saying that I don’t have to live an unhappy life. That, I have a choice.

    So, I took a leap of faith and quit. I packed and changed my environment. Learned so many things along the way. And found a job where I felt like I mattered. The bonus part was, that I get to influence my team

    And if you are not happy with your job today. If you asked me what you should do? I would tell you to do just that. Quit!

    I don’t care if you are making a ton of money with your current job. I don’t care if they have a great retirement plan for you. Nor if your employers give you a lot of perks.

    Quit!

    Money can be earned somewhere else! Your retirement plan will be useless if you end up being sick. And most importantly perks are nothing compared to being happy. Happy where you are and doing what you love to do.

    So again, a fixed mindset will limit you. If you are content where you are, by all means, you have my support. But if you want more. If you want growth. if a change is something you seek. Learn how you will get there. Grow your way. And I promise you, you will not be disappointed.

    If you are doubting yourself, read my blog post, “Gorgeous, How to know that you are the strategy”. There I shared why you have what it takes to do anything you put your mind to.

    Feel free to take this knowledge and apply it in your life gorgeous. And if you found value in this post, please share it with others. This is how this blog will grow, that way we can spread positivity and confidence with others.

  • 4 Reasons Why it’s okay not to be Okay!

    4 Reasons Why it’s okay not to be Okay!

    Yes, we are talking about, “it’s okay not to be okay.” But before that, I would like to share a few things with you.

    It has been 3 months and 21 days since I launched this website. To be honest, I cannot keep up with the amount of content I have put up. This has been my dream though. A platform where I can braindump my journey. And share the knowledge I’ve gained throughout my personal development journey. Also, share my journey as I partake in being a motivation teacher and coach.

    Update on my journey

    I have completed my motivational speaking classes. I am now, finishing my coaching classes. And soon enough I will be getting my certification in Florida. Exciting things are happening! With it all, I am grateful for each of you reading, learning, and supporting this platform.

    As I have promised, this is a safe environment to share your journey. I want to share this phase of my life. It is for me to say it’s okay not to be okay.

    I didn’t get that title by myself though, I got it from a song by Demi Lovato, “Ok not to be OK.

    If I am being honest, I hadn’t been OKAY lately. I was slipping into old habits and I’ve let myself indulge too much.

    Now, mind you going through your own personal development journey is not easy. Yes, you can read that again. It is not easy. Because if it was, everyone would be doing it. Personal growth starts within you. You have to seek it. And have the discipline to continue.

    But it does not mean that you will be superhuman. Will also have a perfect life and everything will be rainbows and roses. No!

    You will have down days! Days where it leads you to your old habits. And if you’re not careful, you’ll find yourself continuously doing it. And it is Okay!

    Like I said, It is okay not to be okay.

    It is okay to fall into old habits.

    Okay to indulge a little.

    To get away from the consistent norm.

    But as long as you know your limits.

    It’s okay not to be okay, why?

    1. Because it is okay!
    2. It could be a reminder of how you were before.
    3. You need to!
    4. It’s a perfect reminder that you are still human

    Because it is Okay!

    It is part of being human. I am 35 years young and I have been conditioned with the old habits that are not serving me. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. I started my personal development journey 3 years ago. Though, I’ve done a lot of healing. Roller coaster of emotions. I have acquired helpful, fulfilling practices and ways. But I’ve only been in this game for three years. My conditioning is 32 years worth. It’s okay for me not to be okay sometimes. And go back to old habits. As long as, I can pick myself back up and continue where I left off. Again, it is okay to bend. It is okay to take a break. But giving up, nah!

    It’s okay not to be okay, because it could be a reminder of how you were before

    You know when you’ve quit a bad habit and deprived yourself of it?

    Say, binge-watching on Netflix. Yes, that was my bad habit. I quit it because the content of the shows that I watch did not help me grow. So, I’ve deprived myself of binge-watching. But I did not quit watching a movie entirely. As a matter of fact, I love watching movies. I just make it to a point to watch a movie at least once a week, two at the most.

    I’ve built that discipline. Movies usually take two hours of my time. It’s very rare that there is a clip-hanger at the end that I have to watch the next episode. And it worked well for me. Until last week, I let myself watch one TV show and the next thing I know, I finished the whole season in one sitting. Sadly, I did not stop there. I found another good TV show, I was 8 episodes in and binge-watched after work for two days. That did not make me feel happy. I did not eat a healthy dinner. Layed on the couch until it was bedtime. My body felt so heavy. And I did not feel productive nor fulfilled. I even felt anxious because I know there are things I needed to do but decided not to.

    I did not feel okay at the time but it is okay. Why? Because it was a perfect reminder of how I felt when I was continuously doing that bad habit. And with that, I will not be binge-watching any TV shows for quite some time.

    You need to!

    Yes, you read it! It is okay not to be okay because you need to feel like you’re not okay! Don’t worry gorgeous, it’s not to torture you. But to remind you that it is completely fine.

    I used to be so hard on myself when I have a moment of weakness. I would beat myself up mentally. And sadly, I didn’t realize that I was slowly losing my confidence in myself for doing so. You need to be not okay from time to time because you need to acknowledge what is causing that feeling. Whatever gender you are, it does not matter. It is okay to cry. It is okay to feel weak. Okay to feel sad. To feel like everything around you is crumbling.

    Acknowledge that emotion and not push it under the rug. You have been conditioned that when you cry, you show weakness. You have to be tough in any scenario. I call Bullshit. It takes a lot for a person to become vulnerable in front of others. So, don’t hide your emotions.

    Showing your emotions helps you connect with yourself. And connect with the people around you. See the real you behind the mask.

    If this is not enough explanation, let me ask you this…

    When you’re hungry what do you do? You eat right?

    When you’re thirsty, you go get a drink.

    And when you’re tired, you rest.

    It’s the same thing when you’re not feeling okay. You acknowledge it and do something about it.

    The feeling of not being okay does not define you. It just goes to show that you are in that state. And it’s either you do something about it. Or you deprive it. And you know when you deprive yourself of something. It will eat you up inside to a point that you can’t control.

    It’s a perfect reminder that you are still human

    Yes, it is okay not to be okay because it is a reminder that you are still human. You have emotions. You feel pain. Feel sadness. Sorrow. And the list goes on.

    No need to push the feeling of not being okay aside. You just have to acknowledge it. Give it the attention it needs. Adjust what needs adjusting. And move on.

    There you go gorgeous, 4 reasons why I know it’s okay not to be okay.

    It may sound easier said than done. And here is the kicker. It is easy! We just tend to make it complicated.

    Life is worth living, you just need to have the courage to live it.

    Ernelita Dacumos

    I hope this post helps you acknowledge that if you’re not okay right now. I am the first to tell you, “It is okay not to be okay!”

    Feel free to share this post with someone who may need to read it as well.

  • The power of patience in everything you do

    The power of patience in everything you do

    If I am being honest, it took me a long time to learn the power of patience. But it is one of the things I learned when I was a kid. Confusing right?

    As you know by now, I came from the Philippines. Unlike here in America, everything back home is very slow. If you want to do something, you have to start early in the day to finish it by the end of the day.

    I remember applying for dual citizenship while I was there. I had to travel from my hometown to Manila (Capital City) early in the morning as it takes 4-6 hours to get there.

    Once at the Philippine consulate, I had to stand in a long line. Wait for my turn. Fill out the necessary documents. Had it notarized. Stand in another line for the cashier to pay the fee. And then I have to wait 8 months for them to verify my identity. Came back 12 months later to fill out the final documentation. And get the documentation as a dual citizen.

    Yes, it was a long process and what got me through that was the power of patience.

    Instant Gratification

    But now, we live in a world with instant gratification. You can now have your grocery delivered. We used to wait for the mail to come, but now we can communicate via cell phones. Our ancestors used to travel days to get from one location to another. We have planes that will take a few hours to get to another location.

    We have come so far when it comes to having access to a lot of things. In this, I noticed it reduces my patience.

    I want everything here. Now. Not realizing that even though we’ve come so far, there are things that cannot be easily obtained. And rushed.

    You cannot speed up the process of how a baby develops in a mother’s womb, we still have to wait 9 months for that.

    Having a successful business does not happen overnight, it takes time.

    And personal growth and healing do not happen over a weekend. You have to constantly grow and work on yourself on a daily basis.

    Once I’ve learned the power of patience again, I’ve learned to recognize a lot of things.

    The power of patience

    1. Patience helped me realize that anything worth doing takes time
    2. Not everything has to happen right at that moment
    3. Patience helps you to stop and reflect on your journey

    The Power of Patience helped me realize that anything worth doing takes time

    Everything worth doing takes time.

    You have to write a hundred bad songs before you write one good one. And you have to sacrifice a lot of things that you might not be prepared for.

    Like it or not, you are in this alone and have to follow your own star.

    Bob Dylan

    You heard that right. Anything worth doing takes time. As I’ve used the examples above; having a baby, building a business, and personal healing. And I am sure there are more examples that anything worth doing takes time.

    I moved to this country when I was 17 years old. I understood the language but was not comfortable speaking it. Fast forward 17 years, I am now fluent with a bit of my accent. And typing this blog post for you.

    An artist needed to wait for the paint to dry to put another layer on the canvas. So, yes, everything worth doing takes time. And a lot of it. As I have mentioned before in my blog post “5 Reasons why it’s important to invest in yourself”. Investing in yourself means investing your time, money, and effort.

    Not everything has to happen right at the moment

    Again, going back to instant gratification, a lot of things are given to us. Or handed to us in a matter of minutes or hours but not everything has to.

    Because again, if everything is handed to you. Then it loses its value.

    Reflect on this, say there is a car that you wanted to buy so bad but had to save money for it. The longer it takes for you to get that car and the harder you work for it builds up its value. And once you’ve bought it. You will take care of it even more.

    But if you were able to just buy the car. No hard work is needed. You can afford it. Once you’ve bought it, the value of that car lessens and you will strive to obtain another one.

    The Power of Patience helps you to stop and reflect on your journey

    Also, nowadays, advertisements show that you can get something quickly. Pizza deliveries with a promise that if not delivered it’s free. We are now given 15-minute exercises on TV with a pledge to help us have the body we wanted. We’re always in constant motion and in a hurry that we do not think to stop and reflect.

    Having patience helps us be in the moment. Reflect on what you currently have and make a better and wiser decision.

    So there it is. Why the power of patience is important in everything you do. I challenge you to reflect on your day-to-day activity See where you practice the power of patience. And see where you practice instant gratification.

    I would love to have your input on this post and please share this with those whom you think may need to read it as well. Let’s spread positivity and growth.