Confidently You

Blog

  • Why is Self-Acceptance a path worth taking?

    Why is Self-Acceptance a path worth taking?

    Self-acceptance is a phrase that we don’t talk about.

    And to be honest, I did not know that self-acceptance existed until last year.

    But what is self-acceptance?

    According to Merriam Webster self-acceptance is:

    the act or state of accepting oneself: the act or state of understanding and recognizing one’s own abilities and limitations

    Yes, it is accepting yourself unconditionally. Accepting YOU with your skills, knowledge along with your limitations. Your flaws, and weaknesses.

    But just because you have weaknesses and flaws does not make you less of a person.

    Gorgeous, You are powerful. You are authentic. You are unique. And there is only one YOU in this world.

    Why is Self-acceptance a path worth taking?

    1. Gives you a better understanding of yourself
    2. It helps you learn to become the version of yourself whom you want to be.
    3. Gives you a better understanding of others
    4. It helps you see your value
    5. It results in self-confidence

    The path to self-acceptance gives you a better understanding of yourself

    Accepting me

    Have you ever asked yourself these questions? Or made these comments before?

    Why am I like this? Why do I do things this way?

    I wish I am social like those people.

    I wish I have that person’s confidence.

    I am not smart like her.

    I know I did. I remember getting mad with myself before because I don’t always finish what I started. I was too harsh on myself calling myself stupid for being a scatterbrain and I used to have anxiety.

    Part of the self-acceptance journey is getting to know yourself. There are different ways to get to know yourself. One perfect activity is called Myers Briggs. It is a personality test to find out your personality type.

    As I dove deeper into getting to know myself, I have learned so much about my personality. My human design even and my astrology. I have learned that the reason why I don’t always finish what I started, is because my human design is one that likes to learn and explore different things.

    I don’t always finish what I started because I am always seeking something that will stimulate me. Something that will catch my interest. If the project that I am working on is no longer stimulating to me. I move on.

    After learning and finding out about myself. I learned to understand the things that I do. And because of that, I understand myself more. I became more patient with myself. I became more compassionate with myself. I no longer beat myself up. I no longer talk negatively towards myself.

    It helps you learn to become the version of yourself whom you want to be

    Now, I am not saying that you are not good enough as you are now.

    What I am saying is, we are who we are today based on how we are raised. Based on our environment. Based on the information that was given to us. And based on the information that we consume. But if you are aiming for something different. Aiming for something bigger and better than what you have now. We have to adjust to becoming that person as well.

    I will use myself as an example. I am a shy introvert. I learned that my purpose is to become a motivational speaker and a writer. I had this clarity as I was diving into my personal development journey.

    There is nothing wrong with being a shy introvert. But in order for me to become a speaker, I need to gather the courage and overcome being shy. In order for me to become an effective and successful writer, I have to improve and harness my skill.

    I am accepting that I am a shy type of person but when it comes to public speaking, well the shyness goes away. I understood myself. But I also learned that I can change that personality to achieve what I want to become.

    The path to Self-acceptance gives you a better understanding of others

    Accepting others for who they are

    Have you ever looked at someone and wondered why that person behaved that way?

    Or have you questioned why certain people do things differently?

    If yes, you are not alone. I have thought and wondered too. And if I am being honest, I have judged people before based on their behavior.

    It is not until I dove into my self-acceptance journey that I had a better understanding of how other people are the way there are. I may not know their personality type, but I know that they act, behave, and do things the way they know-how. The way they are conditioned. Just like how I learned that I do, I behave and act a certain way because that is how I was conditioned.

    And having this understanding helped me better communicate with others. It also helped me become more gentle with them. And my favorite, fewer frustrations, and resentment toward that person.

    Self-acceptance helps you see your value

    Let’s go back to how you speak with yourself. I’d like you to stop and think about how you speak with yourself.

    Do you beat yourself up whenever you make a mistake?

    Do you call yourself names that you wouldn’t call any loved one? Like, I’m so stupid. I am dumb. I look ugly. I am not smart enough. I am not beautiful enough.

    I’ve told myself these and it may sound harmless at the moment but little did I know it is harming me inside. And it does the same thing to you

    I am not sure if you have seen this video before. I believe it is by Jay Shetty. Jay had asked his guest to write every negative self-talk that she tells herself on a piece of paper.

    After doing so, he surprised his guest by bringing her young sibling out on the stage. And instructed the guest to tell her sibling all the negative self-talk she tells herself. Of course, the guest declines to do so. When asked, she said that it’s mean words and she wouldn’t tell to anyone.

    She was then asked, “Then why do you tell yourself those negative things if they can be hurtful?”

    That video was mindblowing to me and I stopped calling myself names since then.

    Diving deeper in your self-acceptance journey will help you learn that you are worth it. That you are valuable. And that you matter.

    Yes, you will make mistakes. Yes, there are things that you will do wrong. But that is all there is, a mistake or wrongdoing. You are not stupid because of it. You are not a failure because of it. It is a state of being but it does not define who you truly are.

    Knowing this will help you become more gentle with yourself. Learn that you have limits but it does not mean that those limits or flaws cannot be improved.

    So gorgeous, if this information resonated with you, know that you are valuable. You have something to offer. You have to find out what it is.

    The path to self-acceptance will result in confidence

    How? Well, once you’ve learned more about yourself. Once you’ve accepted everything that you are. You will show up differently.

    Knowing who you are gives that feeling of assurance that you know what you can do. And if you are able to do something. And if you are not, it’s a matter of analyzing if you want to learn it or if it is irrelevant.

    As I’ve mentioned before confidence is a skill that can be learned. Part of the learning process is getting to know yourself. And accepting it regardless of the outcome. The more you learn about yourself the more you will accept who you truly are. The more effective you will show up not just for others but for yourself.

    And there you have it gorgeous, the reasons why self-acceptance is a path worth taking. And if this is still not convincing to you. Let me ask you this, “Why is it that you are so eager to learn about others? Why is it that you are so eager to find out how other people tick?” Wouldn’t it be important to learn something about yourself too? Because in all reality, YOU are the most important person in your life.

    I know that sounds selfish but it is not. The more you take care of yourself, the more effective you show up for others. You cannot help people if you are wounded. You cannot pour your knowledge into others if you are not improving yourself. You cannot be of value to others if you don’t know what you are capable of.

    Just something to think about.

  • The art of knowing that confidence comes from Within.

    The art of knowing that confidence comes from Within.

    What is confidence?

    Before reading through this, stop and ask yourself this question, what is confidence?

    What is the first answer that comes to mind?

    As you may have read in my very first blog post; “5 Little known Steps to become confident in yourself”. I have explained the definition of this word.

    In the blog post, I used Mel Robbins’ definition of confidence as applied to the concept of the “Competence confidence loop”. Though it is one perfect definition of the word, there are other definitions to it. I am sure you have your definition too.

    Confidence to me is a lot of things. But most importantly confidence comes from within.

    In my blog post, “Gorgeous, How to know you are the strategy”. I explained that there is no other person who has control of your life but YOU! How you make a decision every step of the way. Every move that you make. And every thought that you think. We don’t realize that we have that power, and we let other people or other things decide for us.

    I hope by now, by reading my blog post, you will see how much value YOU have and how important YOU are!

    Until You recognize that you have that power, then confidence will be hard to grab.

    I wanted to share a little bit of my journey of confidence with you. And how I learned that confidence comes from within.

    I have mentioned that I have been on my personal development journey now for three years. Before that, I was this quiet, shy, timid woman who barely speaks up. Who thinks that she was inferior to the people around her. That everyone else’s opinion is more valuable than hers.

    Yes, that was my mindset.

    In my personal development journey though, I learned the limiting I have is just that, limiting beliefs. They are not real. But I have to work on improving myself to confirm that they are not true.

    I have learned that I have everything I need in me to prove that I matter too.

    I learned that I am not inferior. That I have a voice. And that all needed to let that confidence out.

    Confidence comes from within because:

    Confidence comes from within because it starts with loving yourself.

    Now, let me ask you this? Do you practice self-love?

    Self-love is not just getting a massage. It is not going for a spa day with manicures and pedicures. Self-love is not just going shopping and buying the things that you wanted. As those things are pampering, they only result in temporary happiness. That happiness can last a day. Two days. Or maybe even a week. But it is not permanent.

    Self-love is taking care of the most important person in your life and that is YOU. As hard to believe as that may sound. It is true. YOU are the most important person in your life.

    You spend the most time of your life with yourself but you worry about others. You cater to the needs of others and always put yourself last. You run when you are needed, but what about YOU?

    Self-love is taking care of YOU on a deeper level. It is healing. It is acknowledging your emotions. It is giving forgiveness without getting an apology. It is spending time with yourself.

    Self-love is not selfish. It is selfless. It is a method of filling your own cup. Make sure that you are taken care of so that you can pour on others. So that you can help others more effectively.

    Confidence comes from within because it starts with self-acceptance.

    Self-acceptance is accepting YOU. You as a whole. Your mind, body, and soul. For the longest time, I expected someone to accept me for me. Instead to have a realization that I don’t even accept who I truly am. And if I don’t accept myself, how would I expect others to accept me?

    Self-acceptance means accepting your appearance. Accepting that you are beautiful. Accepting that you are not perfect but it does not mean that you are inadequate. Accepting that you make mistakes too but it doesn’t mean that you blame yourself because of it.

    Confidence comes from within because it starts with self-trust.

    Now, you and I both know that we will come across challenges. We will go through things that will scare us. We will face problems that can either make or break us.

    But as long as you have practiced self-love and self-acceptance, it is a start for you to trust yourself.

    Trust in yourself to have the courage that you can take on any challenges. Trust in yourself to be gentle with yourself when things don’t go your way. Trust in yourself to accept that you have done your best. As long as you learned from it.

    Self-trust equals having courage. And that is basically one of the biggest attributes of having confidence.

    Confidence comes from within because it includes aligned actions.

    Once you have learned to love yourself. Have the clarity of who you are. Accepting that person. Building that self-trust. The next steps that you will be taking are aligned actions. Aligned actions are decisions and movements that you will be taking on. Which relates to whatever it is that you are working on with your life.

    Aligned action is not just knowing but also feeling that what you are doing is right. And you are heading in the right direction.

    There you have it. Those are the four things that show confidence comes from within. It starts with you. It starts with taking care of yourself. Once you have mastered that, you will learn to feel whole.

    Learn to feel like you can conquer the world. And learn to feel confident which will show and people will recognize you for it.

    Now, mastering self-love, self-acceptance, self-trust, and aligned actions will not happen overnight. It will take hard work and investment in yourself to get to where you want to be. I promise you though, it’s a journey worth taking.

    My best friend, Katie Curtis, and I are hosting a 4-week self-mastery workshop. It will start on April 1st. We will do it at 6 am P.S.T minding the time zone around the world every Friday for 4 weeks diving in on each topic. If you are interested in that workshop, comment below and I will personally reach out to you.

    I hope you found value in this blog post and let’s get you started in your self-confidence journey.

  • Importance of taking things one step at a time

    Importance of taking things one step at a time

    A journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step

    Lao Tzu

    This quote was one of my favorite quotes when I was in high school. But I will be transparent, I did not understand the full meaning of it, until now. And it is that we have to take things one step at a time.

    In my personal development journey, I have learned that everything we do in life is a journey.

    Everything that we wanted to achieve in life is a journey.

    Life in itself is a journey.

    In today’s time though we see that it is easy to get what we wanted to have. It is what they call ‘instant gratification’.

    We are shown how easy it easy to make money online, to find out that it takes hard work to truly make it. Save it. And grow it.

    Seeing how easy it is to make money through cryptocurrency, NFTs, etc. And yes it is easy to make that money. But if and only if you make the educated decision, like the people who succeeded in it. Because if you do not, then it is easy to lose that money as well.

    Nowadays it is easy to get food. It is easy to go from one place to another. It is easy to have access to the information that you wanted to read about.

    The majority of information that we see on any social media platform says and shows us that it is ‘easy’.

    I hate to break it to you gorgeous, but as the quote says, “Nothing worthwhile comes easy”.

    As I have written in my previous blog post, “5 Reasons why it is important to invest in yourself”. It takes work to become the best version of yourself and it needs to start with you. You need to start investing in yourself.

    The journey of improving yourself needs to start somewhere. The journey of starting a relationship needs to start somewhere. The journey of becoming a success needs to start somewhere. And that is to start with a single step, then another step, and then another.

    This is why I am sharing this post with you.

    Importance of taking things one step at a time:

    • It keeps you on the right track

    Taking things one step at a time keeps you on the right track. Instead of focusing on the end goal. Focus on the next step and make that your next goal.

    Taking things one step at a time keeps you on the right track because you’re breaking it down into bit-size steps that are achievable.

    And if it is achievable then you will procrastinate less and take more action.

    • It avoids feeling overwhelmed

    Taking things one step at a time will avoid feeling overwhelmed. When I had clarity of my purpose in life, I honestly felt overwhelmed.

    I did not realize that my calling is for something bigger. Something that I was so scared to see if it was something I can handle.

    If your dreams don’t scare you, they are too small.

    Richard Branson

    As Richard Branson’s quote, “If your dreams don’t scare you, they are too small” resonates with my purpose. And how uplifting it can be, I will be honest that it is overwhelming and scary.

    And when we feel overwhelmed, we tend to overthink. Overthinking can paralyze us into taking action. Overthinking causes procrastination.

    So, instead of thinking of the end goal, look at the next step as mentioned in the step above. Take it one step at a time which makes it less scary and achievable.

    • Avoid taking the wrong path

    Taking things one step at a time helps you avoid taking the wrong path.

    Have you heard of ‘shiny objects’? Shiny objects are opportunities that come along your journey. These are outside of what you had planned or set out to do.

    Let me give you a few examples:

    1. You started your own business in the financial industry and you are doing really well. Making an impact and helping others. Then your business reached a plateau, and it is not making progress. All of a sudden, you see a business idea called, “Affiliate Marketing”. And people are raving about the money they are making through that. That is called a shiny object.
    2. You have been in a relationship for a long time. And all of a sudden, you and your partner started arguing and it feels like, your relationship is falling apart. Then you meet another woman. That is a shiny object.
    3. You are currently working for a company and you love what you do. A friend of yours said that he or she is planning to quit and move to a different company. That friend wants you to do the same as the salary is higher. That is a shiny object.

    Now, shiny objects are not always bad, it is not as always good either.

    You will hit challenges in your journey. You will come across problems that may look challenging at that time to solve. Shiny objects can serve as an eye-opener to you or they can cause you to lose sight of the journey that you wanted to take.

    It is up to you to make that decision because sadly shiny objects can make you feel lost and stuck. The good thing is, you can start over again.

    My advice, make sure you know what you truly want to achieve. Focus on it. Take things one step at a time and see them through.

    In any journey you choose. Starting a business. Changing careers. Personal development journey. Focus on that. And see it through.

    Like what the mindset mentor, Rob Dial did for his business. He started his podcast and it took 3 years for him to see growth in his business. Three years! He stayed focused. And took it one step at a time. By creating one podcast after another. Now he is reaping the rewards of that success.

    • It gives you a better result

    Taking things one step at a time gives you a better result.

    Yes, gorgeous. Taking one step at a time is like one milestone at a time. If you take one step and finish it, then that’s progress.

    And guess what, when you see progress, then you will be more inclined to do the next step. Again, once done, that is another milestone. Then the cycle continues.

    So, to summarize this post, again “Nothing worth doing comes easy.” But it is possible if we take one action or one step at a time.

    You cannot think your way through anything you desire. You cannot wish your way through anything you desire. You cannot say you are trying yet not take the first step.

    The key is, to take the step, then the next step, and the next.

    I love what Damian Johnson said, “Let’s not fight invisible dragons” meaning do not let your fears, limiting beliefs, and planning hinders you from taking action. Because those fears, limiting beliefs, and problems that you’ve thought of that is all they are… invisible. They do not exist.

    But action is apparent. It gives you progress. It moves the needle. It creates impact. And guess what? It will give you confidence. So again, just take it one step at a time.

    I hope you are found value in this blog post gorgeous and I ask for you to spread and share it with others who may benefit from it as well.

  • 5 Reasons why It’s important to invest in yourself.

    5 Reasons why It’s important to invest in yourself.

    If you were to ask me, for advice to give someone who wants to start driving towards their goals. It would be, “Learn why it is important to invest in yourself.”

    I know gorgeous; you are a dreamer and an action taker. This is why this post will definitely benefit you in your journey. That journey may be the following below, but learning to invest in yourself is a huge factor :

    -starting your own business

    -changing your career

    -starting your career

    -moving from one country to another

    -or even a personal journey of becoming more confident in yourself

    Now, what do I mean by investing in yourself?

    When we hear the word invest, the first thing that comes to mind is ‘money’ right?

    Well investing in yourself is not just about spending money. Investing in yourself means investing time, effort/energy, money.

    You can make monetary investments by say investing in stocks, crypto, now NFTs. But that investment will not succeed, if you do not put the ‘time’ in to learn about the products that you are investing in. and when you put the time in, you must make an ‘effort’ to understand and learn it

    You can buy all the personal development books available. But if you don’t make time to read each book. Gather the energy to take action on your learnings, then it would be irrelevant.

    So, investment in yourself requires a combination of all three.

    Michael Schrage, states that Knowledge alone is not power.

    “The ability to act on knowledge is power.”

    Michael Schrage

    Which to me is quite powerful and true.

    Now that you have the idea of what I meant.

    Here are the five reasons why it is important to invest in yourself.

    1. It is important to invest in yourself because it results in a higher ROI.

    We live in today where information is easily accessible. You don’t even need to be at home in front of a computer to find whatever information you need. All you have to do is to access the web browser on your phone and you will find the information you are looking for.

    And because of that knowledge, we tend to have the mindset that we can get the information we need for ‘free’. And when there is a cost or investment needed, we look in the other direction.

    I know how this feels, I went through this too, but gorgeous, everything in life comes with a cost. It’s not a crime, it’s how it is. It requires a little improvement in the “money mindset” department is all.

    Let me give you a few examples:

    You wanted to earn a degree, right? You go to a university and what do you need to do to enroll? Money. Today there are ‘financial aid’ available that you can pay off even after you have graduated.

    You wanted to buy food at a grocery store, what do you need to buy the food? Money.

    You wanted a roof over your head, what do you need to get it? Money.

    So why do we hesitate when we hear the word, invest?

    I dove into entrepreneurship several times. The first thing they to me was I have to invest money into my business. Guess what I did?

    I turned around and called it a scam.

    So, I get it. And trust me, learning that to improve I needed to put money out first was tough, but guess what the outcome is?

    Higher Return of Investment (ROI).

    In a job, if you don’t have a degree and experience, your salary starts at a base rate. So, you go to school for higher pay right?

    I’ve seen this quote but am not sure who said it…

    “Billionaires lose millions to become billionaires. Millionaires lose thousands to become millionaires. Broke people want to lose nothing to become rich and successful.”

    And it hit hard. So, next time you wanted to start something. And comes with a cost, reflect on that quote first before shying away from it.

    Yes, you may get information for free. But I can confidently tell you that the ‘free’ information that you are getting is basic. Anything on the next level will not be free. That information is what you need to propel forward. To reach the next level on the journey that you wanted to take.

    2. It is important to invest in yourself because you learn to be gentler with yourself.

    As I said earlier, if you’re reading this blog post, I know that you are a dreamer and you wanted to make an impact. But to deliver, there is a lot of inner work that you need to do. And that is what we call your personal development journey.

    Have you heard of the term, “Overachiever”? Yeah?

    Has anyone called you an overachiever? Me too!

    And it’s not a bad thing. I see it as a compliment, and I aim to function like one. But what we don’t realize is the disadvantage of having high expectations which result to:

    a. Beating yourself up

    I have done this many times. I’ve called myself, “stupid” because I made a mistake. “Ugly” because I cannot look good enough. And these words are damaging.

    b. Being a perfectionists

    If you have considered yourself a perfectionist, “Do not shoot me”. I have learned that being a perfectionist means that you are hiding from fear. Yes, you read it. Hiding from fear. And, that fear is fear of not being good enough.

    c. Stress and overwhelm

    This is a domino effect. If you are being a perfectionist. Ensuring that every detail is planned out to the T can result in delay. And it can be very stressful and overwhelming. I get it. I was there too.

    Once you have invested in yourself. You will learn, that the journey you are taking or planning to take will take time. And will need patience.

    You can still be an overachiever but an overachiever who understands. And have more patience with yourself. It does not have to be perfect, it is all about progress.

    3. It is important to invest in yourself because you will live a healthy life.

    Investing in yourself gives you access to a lot of knowledge if you are open to learning it. Although, I wanted you to learn one important thing in this equation, and that is YOU.

    I spoke with a good friend of mine yesterday. He asked me what I am currently working on.

    The conversation started because he wanted to invite me to dinner. When it comes to food, I will accept. (This is my weakness!)

    Anyway, he knows that I am always working on something. I told him that I started this blog and posted content weekly.

    I am halfway done with my studies to become a motivational speaker. And work, and putting out content. I asked him the same question.

    Then he told his current projects. And that he is looking forward to our dinner as he had lost a lot of weight from the diet that he is currently following. Mind you, this man is very knowledgeable. And is health-conscious which reminded me of my current weight.

    Vulnerability moment: I gained 25 pounds since October of last year. And haven’t done anything to lose some weight. In my defense, the weight I gained was from being sick back then and I have not set it as a priority to focus on my health.

    I told him, to not laugh at me when he sees me because I have gained weight. That is when I got yelled at. Well, reminded I should say. He stopped me midway through speaking and said, “Ernie! You are busy! You are working full time. You cater to everyone who needs your help! At work and outside of work. You have a blog. You are studying. You are managing your social media. Yet you are not giving time to take care of YOU!”

    Thank God, for real friends, right? And like I said, this is the journey that I am sharing with you.

    I know how important it is to invest in myself and to take care of myself, which I do. But sometimes, we need something or someone who will ‘yell’ at us and tell us the truth.

    So, guess what I did. I planned. I went to the grocery store, bought healthy food. Promised to lessen carbs and sweets and exercise at least three times a week.

    I have been in my personal development journey for a few years now. Like I said earlier, in any journey that you take, the most important person on the equation is YOU.

    So, it is important to remember that living a healthy life is part of the journey. Why?

    Because like what my friend told me with the rest of my conversation with him.

    I may be able to do all the things I am doing now, but it will catch on to me.

    And if I don’t take care of myself enough. Who will go through ‘my’ journey? No one!

    4. It is important to invest in yourself because it will give you more confidence.

    Confidence is a vital asset in anyone’s success. Whatever the journey is, if there is no confidence, there will be no progress.

    Confidence has a lot of meaning, but I love how Mel Robin defined it.

    “Confidence is having the courage to take action and do it over and over again.”

    Like the competent confidence loop. Taking action will help you become competent. Once you have done it over and over to a point where you can do it even when with your eyes close. That is where confidence is.

    So, investing in yourself; taking the time to learn, making an effort to do it over again give you more confidence.

    Dr. John Maxwell had mentioned so many times that “anything we do the first time will not be perfect”. So, if we invest in ourselves, there is no other way but up.

    5. It is important to invest in yourself because it will get you closer to your desires.

    I love when John Maxwell said, “some people have uphill hopes, but downhill habits”. Meaning some people want to dream high but are not willing to go through the hardship of getting there.

    Which is, to be honest, true. It’s the same with investing money in comparison to getting the information for free. We live in a world of instant gratification.

    You wanted food, you don’t have to go to the store, you can grab your phone and have it delivered to your doorstep.

    You wanted to watch a movie, you don’t have to go to the movie theatre, you can sit on your couch and buy the movie there.

    These are valid things that are beneficial to us but at the same time, investment is still required. Which is money.

    What do I mean by investing in yourself will get you closer to your desires though?

    Let me give you a specific example. I am confident that this example will give you the message of this post.

    One of my desires was to create a blog where I can pour my knowledge and share my journey with you. Also to motivate you to go through your own journey.

    As easy as that may sound, it was not an easy journey. Why?

    It was not easy because, in order for me to gain knowledge, I have to go through hardship. I have to go through the experience, I have to go through the struggles. I invested in courses. Read books. listened to podcasts and learned from them. When I felt stuck by myself, I invested in hiring a coach. Where I learned more about myself. Started my healing journey. And added more practices that helps me now to become the person I wanted to become.

    I, later on, learned that I wanted to make an impact, hence the blog idea came up.

    I have no knowledge of how to build a website, let alone a blog. I invested money, time, and effort in learning how to build it.

    Learned how to build a website. How to add images, what images to put, to come up with good quality images, and most of all to type up each content every week.

    And here it is now.

    If I did not invest in myself, If I did not invest time, money, energy in myself. This blog, this website will not come to the surface.

    So gorgeous therefore it is important, that any journey you want to take, needs to start with YOU. It is important that you invest in yourself first.

    I would love to know your input on this post. Feel free to comment below.

  • 6 Motivating Examples of exuding Self-Confidence

    6 Motivating Examples of exuding Self-Confidence

    Six motivating examples of exuding self-confidence… very promising and motivating as you read it right?


    It does for me.


    Before reading this post, I recommend reading my blog post, “5 Little known steps to becoming confident in yourself”. There, I have shared five simple tips to becoming confident in yourself.


    After that, then we can dive in see examples of self-confidence.
    Why?


    Well, I wanted you to learn that confidence is a skill first. We need to learn the skill then hone it.


    It is not a personality trait like being an extrovert.
    Yes, it is not.
    So with that said, what signifies that someone exudes confidence?
    What to look for as examples of self-confidence?
    And how would you know when you start showing confidence in yourself?


    Let’s dive in. I am now sharing six motivating examples of someone exuding self-confidence:


    1. Choosing to be authentic


    One of my definitions of self-confidence…


    Self-confidence is being able to walk in a room without comparing yourself with others.

    Ernie O. Dacumos


    In my blog post, “3 Reasons to stop comparing yourself to others“. I shared the quote by Theodore Roosevelt, “Comparison is the thief of all joy” and it’s true.


    In my own experience, I’ve compared myself to others so many times that I can’t even count.


    I used to walk in our work events and wished I am wearing the beautiful dress my coworker was wearing.
    Or I wish I can put make-up on like my colleagues.
    Or I wish I can find time to learn how to put make-up on.
    I wish I am as confident as my boss.
    I kid you not, the list can go on.
    And what I gather from that?
    Losing my confidence in myself.


    Comparing and wishing that you are like someone else leads to losing the most important person on that equation – YOU.


    This is why choosing to be authentic is one example of self-confidence. Because after you’ve learned so much about yourself and learning who you truly are. Your values, how your mind works, what are your strengths and skills.
    That is what will make you unique and authentic.


    And gorgeous, I can hear you say, “I don’t even know what is authentic about me”. Not right now maybe, but read through all this post. I will give you some actions to take to apply the knowledge that I am sharing with you.


    2. Self-acceptance


    Phew! Self-acceptance is very deep. Also, to reiterate each example of self-confidence I gave you can be a lifetime journey. But as you learn along the way and apply each example, you will have more and more self-confidence.


    So, how is self-acceptance an example of showing self-confidence;
    – If you accept yourself, other people’s opinions about your flaws will not have that much of an impact on you.
    – If you accept yourself, you will have more courage to take on something new. Because you know yourself more than anyone else.
    – If you accept yourself, you will show up with different energy and vibration that will exude confidence to others.


    How do we learn about self-acceptance? My best friend Katie Curtis and I created a Masterclass called Getting uncomfortable. It talks about this and 3 more topics (If you would like to get a copy of that masterclass click here).


    But Self-acceptance is being able to walk, speak, and react with the thought and knowledge of who you are as a person. Appearance, skin color, the way you think, your flaws, your strengths, and accepting all it.


    3. Being vulnerable


    Vulnerability as defined by the dictionary as; the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally” sounds very scary.


    And to be honest most of us, including me thinks that being vulnerable, being exposed is a sign of weakness.
    But being vulnerable, being in a state of being exposed, being in a position to be laughed up, be ridiculed, be embarrassed is also a sign of courage.
    It’s a matter of perspective; do you choose to see vulnerability as a weakness or a strength.


    I choose to see it as a strength. Because showing vulnerability helped me connect to the people. Especially those, I wanted to make an impact with. I’ve connected and built great friendships by showing that I too am vulnerable.


    I too didn’t have the confidence in myself. I too started as a shy and very quiet person and I still am. I too did not know what I wanted to do in life.


    If you’ve read the part about me on this website. I’ve shared my past with you, who I was, where I was, and how I got here because I wanted to connect with you.


    Was it easy to share a moment of weakness, no?

    But that is how I can show you gorgeous that I am like you too! I can relate with you, I can be vulnerable too. And there is nothing more beautiful to me than seeing someone, sit across the table or stand on a stage show vulnerability.


    4. Speaking your truth


    Yes, speaking your truth is an example of self-confidence.


    If I asked you how many times have you kept quiet and said, “I’ll just shut my mouth so that this doesn’t turn into an argument.” The answer would most likely be more than a handful right?


    Now, when I say speaking your truth as an example of self-confidence, it does not mean that I want you to go all out and speak your truth full blast and argue.


    Trust me, when speaking your truth by yelling, raising your voice, and cutting people off as they speak, you will never get the message across. Take it from me. I did that and learned the hard way.


    I used to argue, scream, and walk away then complain why that person was not hearing what I have to say. Why are they not listening to me? Well, that is because my method of communicating is not a method to communicate.


    Speak your truth without anger. Speak your truth to communicate with the other person not by attacking them. Speak your truth to be understood not for them to do what you want them to do.


    I can talk about this all day, but you get the gist. Do not settle and just agree on everything.


    Speak your truth when needed but speak your truth to communicate. Not to cause an argument and guess what, you will feel that self-confidence of being around others.


    5. Resilience


    Resilience Is an example of self-confidence!
    Why? How?


    It is an example of self-confidence because life will throw curveballs at you! Struggles, trials, problems after problems. But if you do not have the resilience to move from that, then life will be more challenging.


    And guess what, the more you keep moving forward despite the problems you have, the more you will develop that self-confidence in yourself.


    You will say and I challenge you to recap moments in your life where you’ve said this to yourself, “I went through this before, I can go through it again.”


    To me, I’ve said that phrase whenever I was getting over a breakup. When I was starting a new job. When I am joining events I have no idea what to expect. When I am meeting new people. When I am coming across a financial problem.


    You may not notice it. But when you get up in the morning every day despite all the problems, the worries, the doubts, the emotions that you have, that shows resilience in itself.
    The question is, do you acknowledge that effort from you? Do you celebrate yourself?
    If not, it’s never too late.


    6. Courage

    The last example of self-confidence is courage.


    Courage goes hand in hand with resilience, it takes courage to get back up every day and keep moving forward.


    Life is worth living, we just have to have the courage to live it!


    Self-confidence starts with having the courage to get up and start over again.
    Speaking in front of others takes courage.
    Learning something new takes courage.
    Exploring a new place takes courage.
    Facing problems every day takes courage.
    Yet we do not acknowledge it enough.


    We tend to focus on our fears, our limiting beliefs, and everything around us that stops us to see our potential.


    And to be honest gorgeous, if you have not noticed, the examples that I gave you are already within you.


    You have the self-confidence in you, you just needed a reminder.


    Now, as promised I have a few action steps for you to do after reading this post. See them below and I would love to hear your experience with those action steps. Message me on Instagram, Facebook, email, or better yet, here on the website.

    I would love to get to know you, learn more about you and find out how to best serve you.
    Set 30-60 minutes for yourself and answer the following questions:

    • What activities make me happy? (e.g. watching movies, going to the beach)
    • What do I love about myself?
    • What makes me laugh?
    • In my lifetime, what are the biggest life struggles I’ve overcome?
    • In my lifetime, what are my biggest achievements?
    • In my lifetime, what moments I had to face even though I was scared?
    • What do I do to celebrate myself? If you don’t celebrate yourself, it’s never too late. It is a requirement. (e.g. spa, massage, movie).

    Always remember gorgeous… Be bold, Be radiant, Be Confidently You!

  • 4 Ways to keep positivity in your life.

    4 Ways to keep positivity in your life.

    We live in a very different world now and to be honest it seems like the norm is farfetched. It took a lot of adjustments from all of us and adapting to get to where we are now.

    Resilient is the word that describes you! Imagine having to deal with everything in your life. Taking care of your family, supporting them, working, living your own life, dealing with your own emotions. It’s a lot!

    I am on the same boat too. But I have the following tricks up my sleeve to keep the positivity in my life and my dear, I want to share it with you. I am choosing these tricks will help you too.

    • Shift your thoughts

    Instead of stating the negative, focus on the positive. I know that this does not happen overnight, but one minor change has a compounding effect, my dear. Be gentle with yourself and practice looking on the positive side of things.

    No one wants to hang out with a Debbie Downer and you are not one of them.

    If I am stuck in traffic and about to be late for work, I focus on the positive. I am alive, I am healthy and I am on my way to my job and earn money. There is no point in getting frustrated. It ruins your day even more.

    Whenever I go grocery shopping for one item and came back home with a cart full of items but the one item that I needed, I shrug my shoulder and move on. I used to call myself stupid for forgetting it and dear, it doesn’t feel good at all.

    If you are not chosen for the promotion that you have been working hard for and thought that the person who got it didn’t deserve it. It’s okay, think that something bigger is in line for you.

    Everything happens for a reason my dear, focus on the good outcomes even though it’s hard to see sometimes.

    • Consume positive content

    This is huge! I was never fond of watching the news, reality shows, or anything of the like because the content is either drama or negativity.

    Let me ask you this when was the last time you watched the news on T.V. and felt alive and motivated? Very rare right? And you can’t even remember. That is because the content is all negative that it drains your energy and you don’t realize it.

    Choose to read or watch contents that promote positivity, this blog for example.

    • Surround yourself with positive people

    You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you

    Anonymous

    Debbie Downers, Negative Nancys are not the ideal people to surround yourself with. These people will not change for you, but you can change and choose the people you surround yourself with.

    You can choose to be with the people who have the same visions as you. People who will cheer and support you on everything you do. People who are willing to teach you. People who motivate you.

    • Change your mood

    Bad things happen all the time right? But are we supposed to let it get to us? Are we supposed to let it ruin our day? No.

    We have the power to change our mood and shift the day to become better.

    Here are ways on how I change my mood:

    • Listening to music. Listening to positive and upbeat music to be exact. ( e.g Broken and beautiful by Kelly Clarkson and Titanium by David Guetta feat Sia).
    • Dancing to high vibing music.
    • Listen to a podcast. I listen to motivational podcasts on Spotify. Mindset Mentor by Rob Dial is one of my favorites or even motivational videos on Youtube.
    • Sex. Don’t deny it. The feeling after being intimate changes our mood.

    • Practice self-love

    This is pretty obvious. Whatever your definition of self-love is. A massage, mani-pedi, spa, facial, or whatever self-pampering activities, practice it more often.

    My self-love activities are:

    • Going to beach
    • Earthing (being one with nature)
    • Hiking
    • Exercising – to stay healthy and stay active
    • Meditation
    • Journaling
    • Hypnosis audios
    • Eating ice cream
    • Watching movies
    • Sitting with myself

    Again, we always have a choice. You always have a choice and you can choose to do things to improve. Improve yourself. Improve your surrounding. Improve your emotions. All these resulting in you protecting your energy.

    You deserve it! Let me know how these tricks helped you, can’t wait to chat about it.

  • Happiness starts with you and it starts with self-love

    Happiness starts with you and it starts with self-love

    Your happiness is no one else’s responsibility but YOURS

    Ernie o Dacumos

    Let that quote sink in for a moment gorgeous.
    Three years ago, I had this notion that my happiness comes from someone else. I believed that I am supposed to find a partner to “complete” me.


    Someone who would be there as my knight in shining armor and save me like a damsel in distress. But we are living in a generation now where women and men are becoming more independent. Young men or women who focus on finding their calling in life and going after it. While others party or some starts a family.


    I will be completely honest, I have dated a few men and it did not work out. Now, to keep this clear, this post is not for single men or women only, it is for those who have a partner as well.
    This post is to give you a different perspective. Some of you may find this as an AHAH moment, some of you may know this already and that’s fine.
    Now going back to me dating and them not working out, I was given advice before that my judgment when it comes to men are…. well a little poor.


    And I accepted it. So, I took a break from dating and worked on myself. Mind you, it took me years to realize that my potential relationship did not work out because I have set an expectation. An expectation of our happiness comes from the outside source, not the inside.


    Dr. John Maxwell had shared one of his stories with his wife, he was newly-wed at the time and he and his wife were in a conference. Someone from the table where they were sitting had asked his wife, Margaret, and said, “Does John make you happy?”
    Her response was, “No.” everyone looked at her surprised. Dr. John Maxwell looked at her and asked, “Babe, do you want to continue with your answer?”


    Margaret then proceeded to say, “John did not make me happy in the first 6 months of our relationship because I expected him to make me happy. I realized that in order for me to be happy, I have to learn how to make myself happy and do the things that make me happy. That is when I started to become happy, and by doing so, everything that John did and does for me, adds up to my happiness.”
    This was so beautiful, starting with ‘myself’ and showing love to myself is one way to start my happiness.


    I’ve learned and said this…


    I can only control me; my thoughts, my emotions, and my actions


    If I set an expectation for someone else, that person will never understand, nor know what will make me happy. Which can cause resentment.


    So, how did I start finding my happiness you ask? Self-love


    Self-love is loving yourself flaws and all.
    How do I practice self-love? I have provided them below:

    • Take yourself out on a date or a vacation

    Yes, gorgeous, this is one way to show that happiness starts with you. Take yourself out on a date. I used to feel so embarrassed when seen alone like I’ve committed a crime because I was taking myself out on dinner.


    But when I learned about self-love, I didn’t care. I remember, one of the times when I took myself out on a date at a restaurant, the host asked me, will it be you tonight?
    I said, “Yes!”, then he grabbed all the extra plates, wine glass, and silverware. I remember even saying to myself, yes, I can afford to eat here and pay for it on my own. I must say, that’s a bit of a way to boost confidence.


    Also, travel or explore places, you would be surprised how impactful the feeling of being able to do it on your own. And this is regardless of whether you have a kid or a partner.
    I admire people who still travel. Have a weekend getaway with friends or a couple who would still have date nights after having a baby.
    Remember, you were ‘someone’ before any major changes in your life happened. Do not forget that man or woman that you are because when you do, well you know what happens…unhappiness arises.

    • Buy yourself what you expect someone to give you

    For example, buying yourself flowers. Trust me, I like the idea of getting flowers, though I’m allergic to most of them, I love the gesture.
    Buying yourself something that you expect someone else to buy for you can be quite powerful. Why is it powerful you ask? Because, it’s an expectation that was set, but why can’t we buy it ourselves? In my case, I am more inclined to buy books. And the feeling of getting it… gives me feel pure bliss.

    • Move your body

    I didn’t say exercise gorgeous, I said move your body. Moving your body gives you more energy and improves your mood, and guess what, it is happiness starting in you. Happiness starts inside of you. Self-love is also making sure that you are moving your body. May it be going for a walk, doing push-ups at home, cleaning the house, going outside. Something to move your body.


    One thing I observe is when I come home and sat on the couch for hours, I actually feel unfulfilled.
    I have heard this quote from the mindset mentor podcast, Rob Dial, that “Action drowns inaction”.


    Instead of you thinking of needing to do something. Beating yourself up mentally for not doing it, actually stand up and do it.

    • Have a spa day

    Yes, as we all know, “spa day” means pampering yourself, it is definitely a form of self-love. I love getting massages and wish to get them more often. You deserve to have a relaxing moment with yourself and even with your friends. Men, well, a haircut or mani and Pedi can be a spa day too!

    • Rest


    Resting was tough for me to apply, but what do I mean by resting and how is it connected to your own happiness.


    Well let’s see, have you hustled through your day even though you’re feeling under the weather? Like, oh I don’t know, going to work even though you have flu. In my case, going to work while having a bad allergic reaction. Gasping for air and hives all over my body even though my body is screaming, “what are you doing, I wanted to rest!”


    Feeling like sh*t, unable to focus, hurting… how does that make you happy?


    I know, I know, you’ll say, well, I have to suck it up to get the job done, and trust me, I had the same mentality. But is your health not that important though? Will the world burn down while you rest?


    Notice this, do you get better if you push through doing something as your sick body does everything it can to keep you functioning? Or do you get better quicker when you take a break and rest?


    Another example for women and I experienced it this weekend. I was out and about with my very close friends walking around the strip in Las Vegas with high heels on.
    I love when they say, “Pain is beauty and beauty is pain”, which has become a mantra for women.


    To me though, it’s a matter of perspective, we are all entitled to it. I chose not to suffer from that pain, I took my heels off, and walked barefoot. It may sound nasty but I got over it because guess what, I took care of my body first. I took care of my feet that were screaming from inside my shoes suffering in agony… well you get the picture if you’re a woman who wears high heels. And by doing so, I walked that strip like a little kid, exploring a familiar place with no care in the world, and boy that gave me happiness.


    So, those are the few tips to show self-love gorgeous. I challenge you to do them, and share them in the comment below or send me a private message. Sometimes you have to Focus on YOU. Care for YOU, Love YOU. Because if you don’t start to make yourself happy, how would you expect others to make YOU happy? Happiness starts with YOU!

  • Are you ready to step into your full potential?

    Have you wished that you could do more?
    You know in your deep self that you could do more! Seeing others making a change, stepping into something bigger, and seeing the results and you wanted the same. You know you can do it too but don’t know where to start, how to start, or where to even turn to? Gorgeous, I was there too! I knew I could do more. I know I am capable but I didn’t know the how, the where, and I had no guidance. so I have played small not realizing what my full potential was.
    Which did not lead me anywhere. For years, I played small and despite the big moves and the achievements that I had, it felt like something was missing. I felt stuck, unhappy, lost and I did not know why.


    It’s not until that I realized I was playing small. It’s not something I learned that I wanted to live a life with purpose. But even with that, I don’t know where to start.
    I was once this little girl with so much drive, so many dreams but I did not have the confidence to do the things I wanted to do. I actually settled because I didn’t know that I can improve.
    I learned that having confidence is a skill and it is something that I can learn. So, I did just that, I invested in myself and focus on myself!
    And gorgeous, it was a roller coaster ride but it got me to where I am now. I became passionate about it. I even learned more about self-acceptance and mindset as all three coincide with each other. It is then I had this inkling feeling to share my learnings and inspire you to apply these learnings too!
    Because once you do, you will learn your full potential. Awaken your drive, and dear, even help you reach the life that you wanted to create!
    So buckle up, let’s move together on this roller coaster ride. Learning about Confidence, Self-acceptance and Mindet.

  • 3 Killer ways to show up for yourself

    3 Killer ways to show up for yourself

    In my whole 34 years of existence, I have learned that life is a roller coaster of emotions. We experience bliss, loss, anger, frustrations, anxiety, and the list goes on.

    There would be days where I do not feel like showing up. Days where I want to stay in bed and be miserable. Days where I want to give up. Days where I want to isolate myself and wished the ground would swallow me.

    Yes, my dear. I went through it too. We all do. But since you are a warrior and we still show up regardless of feeling like crap, I will share my 3 killer ways of showing up for myself.

    • Acknowledge the emotions that you are feeling

    One thing I have incorporated in my life is letting the emotions in, embracing them, and reflecting on them. We are wired to push our emotions away or push them to the side.

    Do not fight against pain; do not fight against irritation or jealousy. Embrace it with great tenderness, as though you were embracing a little baby. Your anger is yourself, and you should not be violent toward it. The same goes for all your emotions.

    Thich Nhat Hanh

    Your emotions are a part of you, pushing them to the side only makes that feeling worst. I did that for ten years and it created this feeling of a black hole on my chest that I could not fill. I didn’t know what to fill it with, how to fill it even because I didn’t know what was wrong with me. It is not until learned to embrace, welcome, and reflect on my emotions that I found healing.

    Cry it out if you have to, scream even, but don’t push it to the side. Like you, gorgeous, your emotions are important too.

    • Just get up

    Yes, you read it dear, just get up! You may not realize it, it is one of the killer ways to show up for yourself.

    You do this already, I know, but not realizing how this small step is powerful enough. Why? Because you made a choice. And that is our power. We all have a choice in life. Choosing to take action is the key.

    Don’t think about it at all, it is simple enough, just get up.

    If you haven’t read so, refer to the post “5 Little known tricks in becoming Confidently You” and there are more tips there.

    • Do a little extra

    I love this! Bad days are already bad, you feel like crap and you don’t want to show up but it doesn’t mean that you can’t look good.

    Yes! Look good! Gorgeous, do a little extra when you are getting ready. Put a little extra make-up on, the one you put on when you attend an important gathering. Put a little extra when it comes to your clothing too. Or any other extras that make you feel… good.

    Curling my hair, wearing a nice dress with high heels are my little extra when I have to show up for myself. These are the things I don’t do on a daily basis unless there are special events that I have to attend.

    My logic is, “I already feel like crap on the inside, why do I have to look like one?”

    These ways had given me more confidence to tackle my day even though I feel like sh*t inside and it works every time! Practice these and let me know how it made you feel in the comments below!

  • “Gorgeous, How to know that You are the Strategy?”

    “Gorgeous, How to know that You are the Strategy?”

    “Marry some rich guy then you’ll be rich!” A piece of love advice that I have heard growing up. And it worked for some people back home but for me, the thought of it made me cringe.

    You see, I am a hopeless romantic. I may look tough on the outside, but I am soft and mushy on the inside. I believe in true love. The right man for me is out there but while he is on his venture to find me, I intend to build myself up and become the best version of myself.

    I am also a dreamer! I tend to choose the path less traveled because I liked the challenge. It was not long ago that I learned that I have a hunger for challenge. I find it very stimulating that no matter how hard, scary, or nerve-wracking it may be, I will dive into it, headfirst.

    Now, going back to the subject, you make small decisions every day that you don’t realize you have the power of. An old mentor of mine, Shari Angelina has this quote, “Stop wasting your time looking for a strategy. You are the strategy!”

    You are probably wondering, how?

    My dear, let me ask the following questions:

    1. Who gets out of bed in the morning to start her day? YOU

    Whatever routine you may have in the morning; may that be setting an alarm to make sure you wake up on time, get ready to start your day, that is YOU.

    2. Who goes to work to earn a living? YOU

    Whatever job or venture you have, to earn an income is all done by you. No one else went through training, you learned, you grew, and now doing the job or work by yourself, it is all YOU!

    3. Who makes the decision on what the next chapter of your life would be? YOU

    This is my favorite! May you have chosen between…

    • going to school or getting a job to help your family?
    • following the new fashion trend or sticking to your comfortable clothes?
    • leaving your job or staying at your job?
    • leaving a relationship or staying in it?
    • buying a purse or saving your money?
    • choosing to make a change in your life from being poor to being successful?

    Those are examples of life choices that are decided by no other than YOU! There are other factors involved, yes. You may have done the research. Confided with another person before making the decision. But at the end of the day, the choice was done by YOU, the action was initiated by YOU.

    This may sound scary and puts pressure on yourself but my dear, that is not my intention. My intention is to show you how powerful you are and how in control you can be.

    You are playing small. Now, I say this with tough love. And trust me, I’ve been there too. I’ve always had this question in my head, “I know I have potential and I have so much to offer, why am I here?”

    And the answer was because I was playing small! It is not until I realized that I have achieved everything I am, everything that I have, big and small because of the decisions that I have made. Not because a friend of mine told me so, or my government, or my family, but it was all me.

    The efforts, the late nights, the tears, the sweat, the anger, the fear, the limiting beliefs, I experienced it all. I learned to embrace it and still decided that it is always up to me.

    My dear, you experience it all too, now ask yourself this, “Why are you playing small?”

    You did not realize all this but now that you do, stop playing small, claim the power that you already have! You are more than capable than you think. You are the strategy!!!