Confidently You

Category: Confidence

  • The art of knowing that confidence comes from Within.

    The art of knowing that confidence comes from Within.

    What is confidence?

    Before reading through this, stop and ask yourself this question, what is confidence?

    What is the first answer that comes to mind?

    As you may have read in my very first blog post; “5 Little known Steps to become confident in yourself”. I have explained the definition of this word.

    In the blog post, I used Mel Robbins’ definition of confidence as applied to the concept of the “Competence confidence loop”. Though it is one perfect definition of the word, there are other definitions to it. I am sure you have your definition too.

    Confidence to me is a lot of things. But most importantly confidence comes from within.

    In my blog post, “Gorgeous, How to know you are the strategy”. I explained that there is no other person who has control of your life but YOU! How you make a decision every step of the way. Every move that you make. And every thought that you think. We don’t realize that we have that power, and we let other people or other things decide for us.

    I hope by now, by reading my blog post, you will see how much value YOU have and how important YOU are!

    Until You recognize that you have that power, then confidence will be hard to grab.

    I wanted to share a little bit of my journey of confidence with you. And how I learned that confidence comes from within.

    I have mentioned that I have been on my personal development journey now for three years. Before that, I was this quiet, shy, timid woman who barely speaks up. Who thinks that she was inferior to the people around her. That everyone else’s opinion is more valuable than hers.

    Yes, that was my mindset.

    In my personal development journey though, I learned the limiting I have is just that, limiting beliefs. They are not real. But I have to work on improving myself to confirm that they are not true.

    I have learned that I have everything I need in me to prove that I matter too.

    I learned that I am not inferior. That I have a voice. And that all needed to let that confidence out.

    Confidence comes from within because:

    Confidence comes from within because it starts with loving yourself.

    Now, let me ask you this? Do you practice self-love?

    Self-love is not just getting a massage. It is not going for a spa day with manicures and pedicures. Self-love is not just going shopping and buying the things that you wanted. As those things are pampering, they only result in temporary happiness. That happiness can last a day. Two days. Or maybe even a week. But it is not permanent.

    Self-love is taking care of the most important person in your life and that is YOU. As hard to believe as that may sound. It is true. YOU are the most important person in your life.

    You spend the most time of your life with yourself but you worry about others. You cater to the needs of others and always put yourself last. You run when you are needed, but what about YOU?

    Self-love is taking care of YOU on a deeper level. It is healing. It is acknowledging your emotions. It is giving forgiveness without getting an apology. It is spending time with yourself.

    Self-love is not selfish. It is selfless. It is a method of filling your own cup. Make sure that you are taken care of so that you can pour on others. So that you can help others more effectively.

    Confidence comes from within because it starts with self-acceptance.

    Self-acceptance is accepting YOU. You as a whole. Your mind, body, and soul. For the longest time, I expected someone to accept me for me. Instead to have a realization that I don’t even accept who I truly am. And if I don’t accept myself, how would I expect others to accept me?

    Self-acceptance means accepting your appearance. Accepting that you are beautiful. Accepting that you are not perfect but it does not mean that you are inadequate. Accepting that you make mistakes too but it doesn’t mean that you blame yourself because of it.

    Confidence comes from within because it starts with self-trust.

    Now, you and I both know that we will come across challenges. We will go through things that will scare us. We will face problems that can either make or break us.

    But as long as you have practiced self-love and self-acceptance, it is a start for you to trust yourself.

    Trust in yourself to have the courage that you can take on any challenges. Trust in yourself to be gentle with yourself when things don’t go your way. Trust in yourself to accept that you have done your best. As long as you learned from it.

    Self-trust equals having courage. And that is basically one of the biggest attributes of having confidence.

    Confidence comes from within because it includes aligned actions.

    Once you have learned to love yourself. Have the clarity of who you are. Accepting that person. Building that self-trust. The next steps that you will be taking are aligned actions. Aligned actions are decisions and movements that you will be taking on. Which relates to whatever it is that you are working on with your life.

    Aligned action is not just knowing but also feeling that what you are doing is right. And you are heading in the right direction.

    There you have it. Those are the four things that show confidence comes from within. It starts with you. It starts with taking care of yourself. Once you have mastered that, you will learn to feel whole.

    Learn to feel like you can conquer the world. And learn to feel confident which will show and people will recognize you for it.

    Now, mastering self-love, self-acceptance, self-trust, and aligned actions will not happen overnight. It will take hard work and investment in yourself to get to where you want to be. I promise you though, it’s a journey worth taking.

    My best friend, Katie Curtis, and I are hosting a 4-week self-mastery workshop. It will start on April 1st. We will do it at 6 am P.S.T minding the time zone around the world every Friday for 4 weeks diving in on each topic. If you are interested in that workshop, comment below and I will personally reach out to you.

    I hope you found value in this blog post and let’s get you started in your self-confidence journey.

  • 6 Motivating Examples of exuding Self-Confidence

    6 Motivating Examples of exuding Self-Confidence

    Six motivating examples of exuding self-confidence… very promising and motivating as you read it right?


    It does for me.


    Before reading this post, I recommend reading my blog post, “5 Little known steps to becoming confident in yourself”. There, I have shared five simple tips to becoming confident in yourself.


    After that, then we can dive in see examples of self-confidence.
    Why?


    Well, I wanted you to learn that confidence is a skill first. We need to learn the skill then hone it.


    It is not a personality trait like being an extrovert.
    Yes, it is not.
    So with that said, what signifies that someone exudes confidence?
    What to look for as examples of self-confidence?
    And how would you know when you start showing confidence in yourself?


    Let’s dive in. I am now sharing six motivating examples of someone exuding self-confidence:


    1. Choosing to be authentic


    One of my definitions of self-confidence…


    Self-confidence is being able to walk in a room without comparing yourself with others.

    Ernie O. Dacumos


    In my blog post, “3 Reasons to stop comparing yourself to others“. I shared the quote by Theodore Roosevelt, “Comparison is the thief of all joy” and it’s true.


    In my own experience, I’ve compared myself to others so many times that I can’t even count.


    I used to walk in our work events and wished I am wearing the beautiful dress my coworker was wearing.
    Or I wish I can put make-up on like my colleagues.
    Or I wish I can find time to learn how to put make-up on.
    I wish I am as confident as my boss.
    I kid you not, the list can go on.
    And what I gather from that?
    Losing my confidence in myself.


    Comparing and wishing that you are like someone else leads to losing the most important person on that equation – YOU.


    This is why choosing to be authentic is one example of self-confidence. Because after you’ve learned so much about yourself and learning who you truly are. Your values, how your mind works, what are your strengths and skills.
    That is what will make you unique and authentic.


    And gorgeous, I can hear you say, “I don’t even know what is authentic about me”. Not right now maybe, but read through all this post. I will give you some actions to take to apply the knowledge that I am sharing with you.


    2. Self-acceptance


    Phew! Self-acceptance is very deep. Also, to reiterate each example of self-confidence I gave you can be a lifetime journey. But as you learn along the way and apply each example, you will have more and more self-confidence.


    So, how is self-acceptance an example of showing self-confidence;
    – If you accept yourself, other people’s opinions about your flaws will not have that much of an impact on you.
    – If you accept yourself, you will have more courage to take on something new. Because you know yourself more than anyone else.
    – If you accept yourself, you will show up with different energy and vibration that will exude confidence to others.


    How do we learn about self-acceptance? My best friend Katie Curtis and I created a Masterclass called Getting uncomfortable. It talks about this and 3 more topics (If you would like to get a copy of that masterclass click here).


    But Self-acceptance is being able to walk, speak, and react with the thought and knowledge of who you are as a person. Appearance, skin color, the way you think, your flaws, your strengths, and accepting all it.


    3. Being vulnerable


    Vulnerability as defined by the dictionary as; the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally” sounds very scary.


    And to be honest most of us, including me thinks that being vulnerable, being exposed is a sign of weakness.
    But being vulnerable, being in a state of being exposed, being in a position to be laughed up, be ridiculed, be embarrassed is also a sign of courage.
    It’s a matter of perspective; do you choose to see vulnerability as a weakness or a strength.


    I choose to see it as a strength. Because showing vulnerability helped me connect to the people. Especially those, I wanted to make an impact with. I’ve connected and built great friendships by showing that I too am vulnerable.


    I too didn’t have the confidence in myself. I too started as a shy and very quiet person and I still am. I too did not know what I wanted to do in life.


    If you’ve read the part about me on this website. I’ve shared my past with you, who I was, where I was, and how I got here because I wanted to connect with you.


    Was it easy to share a moment of weakness, no?

    But that is how I can show you gorgeous that I am like you too! I can relate with you, I can be vulnerable too. And there is nothing more beautiful to me than seeing someone, sit across the table or stand on a stage show vulnerability.


    4. Speaking your truth


    Yes, speaking your truth is an example of self-confidence.


    If I asked you how many times have you kept quiet and said, “I’ll just shut my mouth so that this doesn’t turn into an argument.” The answer would most likely be more than a handful right?


    Now, when I say speaking your truth as an example of self-confidence, it does not mean that I want you to go all out and speak your truth full blast and argue.


    Trust me, when speaking your truth by yelling, raising your voice, and cutting people off as they speak, you will never get the message across. Take it from me. I did that and learned the hard way.


    I used to argue, scream, and walk away then complain why that person was not hearing what I have to say. Why are they not listening to me? Well, that is because my method of communicating is not a method to communicate.


    Speak your truth without anger. Speak your truth to communicate with the other person not by attacking them. Speak your truth to be understood not for them to do what you want them to do.


    I can talk about this all day, but you get the gist. Do not settle and just agree on everything.


    Speak your truth when needed but speak your truth to communicate. Not to cause an argument and guess what, you will feel that self-confidence of being around others.


    5. Resilience


    Resilience Is an example of self-confidence!
    Why? How?


    It is an example of self-confidence because life will throw curveballs at you! Struggles, trials, problems after problems. But if you do not have the resilience to move from that, then life will be more challenging.


    And guess what, the more you keep moving forward despite the problems you have, the more you will develop that self-confidence in yourself.


    You will say and I challenge you to recap moments in your life where you’ve said this to yourself, “I went through this before, I can go through it again.”


    To me, I’ve said that phrase whenever I was getting over a breakup. When I was starting a new job. When I am joining events I have no idea what to expect. When I am meeting new people. When I am coming across a financial problem.


    You may not notice it. But when you get up in the morning every day despite all the problems, the worries, the doubts, the emotions that you have, that shows resilience in itself.
    The question is, do you acknowledge that effort from you? Do you celebrate yourself?
    If not, it’s never too late.


    6. Courage

    The last example of self-confidence is courage.


    Courage goes hand in hand with resilience, it takes courage to get back up every day and keep moving forward.


    Life is worth living, we just have to have the courage to live it!


    Self-confidence starts with having the courage to get up and start over again.
    Speaking in front of others takes courage.
    Learning something new takes courage.
    Exploring a new place takes courage.
    Facing problems every day takes courage.
    Yet we do not acknowledge it enough.


    We tend to focus on our fears, our limiting beliefs, and everything around us that stops us to see our potential.


    And to be honest gorgeous, if you have not noticed, the examples that I gave you are already within you.


    You have the self-confidence in you, you just needed a reminder.


    Now, as promised I have a few action steps for you to do after reading this post. See them below and I would love to hear your experience with those action steps. Message me on Instagram, Facebook, email, or better yet, here on the website.

    I would love to get to know you, learn more about you and find out how to best serve you.
    Set 30-60 minutes for yourself and answer the following questions:

    • What activities make me happy? (e.g. watching movies, going to the beach)
    • What do I love about myself?
    • What makes me laugh?
    • In my lifetime, what are the biggest life struggles I’ve overcome?
    • In my lifetime, what are my biggest achievements?
    • In my lifetime, what moments I had to face even though I was scared?
    • What do I do to celebrate myself? If you don’t celebrate yourself, it’s never too late. It is a requirement. (e.g. spa, massage, movie).

    Always remember gorgeous… Be bold, Be radiant, Be Confidently You!

  • 3 Killer ways to show up for yourself

    3 Killer ways to show up for yourself

    In my whole 34 years of existence, I have learned that life is a roller coaster of emotions. We experience bliss, loss, anger, frustrations, anxiety, and the list goes on.

    There would be days where I do not feel like showing up. Days where I want to stay in bed and be miserable. Days where I want to give up. Days where I want to isolate myself and wished the ground would swallow me.

    Yes, my dear. I went through it too. We all do. But since you are a warrior and we still show up regardless of feeling like crap, I will share my 3 killer ways of showing up for myself.

    • Acknowledge the emotions that you are feeling

    One thing I have incorporated in my life is letting the emotions in, embracing them, and reflecting on them. We are wired to push our emotions away or push them to the side.

    Do not fight against pain; do not fight against irritation or jealousy. Embrace it with great tenderness, as though you were embracing a little baby. Your anger is yourself, and you should not be violent toward it. The same goes for all your emotions.

    Thich Nhat Hanh

    Your emotions are a part of you, pushing them to the side only makes that feeling worst. I did that for ten years and it created this feeling of a black hole on my chest that I could not fill. I didn’t know what to fill it with, how to fill it even because I didn’t know what was wrong with me. It is not until learned to embrace, welcome, and reflect on my emotions that I found healing.

    Cry it out if you have to, scream even, but don’t push it to the side. Like you, gorgeous, your emotions are important too.

    • Just get up

    Yes, you read it dear, just get up! You may not realize it, it is one of the killer ways to show up for yourself.

    You do this already, I know, but not realizing how this small step is powerful enough. Why? Because you made a choice. And that is our power. We all have a choice in life. Choosing to take action is the key.

    Don’t think about it at all, it is simple enough, just get up.

    If you haven’t read so, refer to the post “5 Little known tricks in becoming Confidently You” and there are more tips there.

    • Do a little extra

    I love this! Bad days are already bad, you feel like crap and you don’t want to show up but it doesn’t mean that you can’t look good.

    Yes! Look good! Gorgeous, do a little extra when you are getting ready. Put a little extra make-up on, the one you put on when you attend an important gathering. Put a little extra when it comes to your clothing too. Or any other extras that make you feel… good.

    Curling my hair, wearing a nice dress with high heels are my little extra when I have to show up for myself. These are the things I don’t do on a daily basis unless there are special events that I have to attend.

    My logic is, “I already feel like crap on the inside, why do I have to look like one?”

    These ways had given me more confidence to tackle my day even though I feel like sh*t inside and it works every time! Practice these and let me know how it made you feel in the comments below!

  • “Gorgeous, How to know that You are the Strategy?”

    “Gorgeous, How to know that You are the Strategy?”

    “Marry some rich guy then you’ll be rich!” A piece of love advice that I have heard growing up. And it worked for some people back home but for me, the thought of it made me cringe.

    You see, I am a hopeless romantic. I may look tough on the outside, but I am soft and mushy on the inside. I believe in true love. The right man for me is out there but while he is on his venture to find me, I intend to build myself up and become the best version of myself.

    I am also a dreamer! I tend to choose the path less traveled because I liked the challenge. It was not long ago that I learned that I have a hunger for challenge. I find it very stimulating that no matter how hard, scary, or nerve-wracking it may be, I will dive into it, headfirst.

    Now, going back to the subject, you make small decisions every day that you don’t realize you have the power of. An old mentor of mine, Shari Angelina has this quote, “Stop wasting your time looking for a strategy. You are the strategy!”

    You are probably wondering, how?

    My dear, let me ask the following questions:

    1. Who gets out of bed in the morning to start her day? YOU

    Whatever routine you may have in the morning; may that be setting an alarm to make sure you wake up on time, get ready to start your day, that is YOU.

    2. Who goes to work to earn a living? YOU

    Whatever job or venture you have, to earn an income is all done by you. No one else went through training, you learned, you grew, and now doing the job or work by yourself, it is all YOU!

    3. Who makes the decision on what the next chapter of your life would be? YOU

    This is my favorite! May you have chosen between…

    • going to school or getting a job to help your family?
    • following the new fashion trend or sticking to your comfortable clothes?
    • leaving your job or staying at your job?
    • leaving a relationship or staying in it?
    • buying a purse or saving your money?
    • choosing to make a change in your life from being poor to being successful?

    Those are examples of life choices that are decided by no other than YOU! There are other factors involved, yes. You may have done the research. Confided with another person before making the decision. But at the end of the day, the choice was done by YOU, the action was initiated by YOU.

    This may sound scary and puts pressure on yourself but my dear, that is not my intention. My intention is to show you how powerful you are and how in control you can be.

    You are playing small. Now, I say this with tough love. And trust me, I’ve been there too. I’ve always had this question in my head, “I know I have potential and I have so much to offer, why am I here?”

    And the answer was because I was playing small! It is not until I realized that I have achieved everything I am, everything that I have, big and small because of the decisions that I have made. Not because a friend of mine told me so, or my government, or my family, but it was all me.

    The efforts, the late nights, the tears, the sweat, the anger, the fear, the limiting beliefs, I experienced it all. I learned to embrace it and still decided that it is always up to me.

    My dear, you experience it all too, now ask yourself this, “Why are you playing small?”

    You did not realize all this but now that you do, stop playing small, claim the power that you already have! You are more than capable than you think. You are the strategy!!!

  • 5 Little-known steps to become Confident in Yourself!

    5 Little-known steps to become Confident in Yourself!

    Confidence…

    Ahhh, the word itself used to make me cringe. For years, it was something I thought I will never have.

    I am from a third-world country who moved to the United States when I was 17 years old. The language used here is English, which is not my native language. and to be quite honest, something I struggled to understand when uttered by the residents in this country. If that does not intimidate a young woman, enough?

    I had no confidence in myself and felt small in such a big world.

    It is not until I heard from a well-known motivational speaker, Mel Robbins that Confidence is not a personality trait, it is a skill! And one thing about skill, it is something one can learn.

    Mel Robbins talked about The Competent Confidence Loop. It is about acting, improving from that action can then build competence, once it is repeated, we develop self-belief, which later boosts confidence.

    It sounds so simple, right?

    Confidence has a lot of definitions but in its entirety, confidence to me is having the courage to act despite fears and limiting beliefs. And I have applied this definition in everything I do, ever since.

    “Okay, easier said than done”, you may comment with your eyes rolling. I understand gorgeous. I did the same exact thing and to tell you the truth, gathering the courage did not happen overnight. Up to this day, I still try to gather the courage to even write this blog, let alone share it with ambitious women like you.

    I have provided a few tips on how to start building your confidence with these 5 Ds:

    • Do what your intuition says:

    If your first thought says you wanted to go after a certain task, goal, or whatever the case may be, follow it!

    • Do not negotiate with yourself:

    Analysis paralysis is what we call it. Having a strong desire to do something but your mind comes in and tells you what could go wrong, the answer is no! Do not negotiate!

    • Do it:

    You know when you watch an action movie where the hero(s) attacks the enemy headquarters with guns blazing? Do exactly that, dive into that task with all you’ve got. It does not matter if you have it all figured out yet, just do!

    • Do it again:

    Remember the competence confidence loop? Repetition is key, it’s okay to make mistakes, make the mistakes fast, but learn from those mistakes.

    • Do celebrate yourself

    Gorgeous, we are not meant to suffer or work all the time. Celebrate your accomplishments, even the mistakes, and the lesson learned from them, it is called progress. The more you acknowledge it, the more you will feel confident to do more and look forward to celebrating. Now, I am not saying do an extravagant celebration, it can be small too. Do a spa day, buy yourself a book, take a day off, whatever will fill your soul and make you happy.

    Now that you have the initial tricks on how to dive into creating or learning to have confidence. I challenge you to apply them every time you have a task at hand. Try it even on the smallest task that you have been putting off. I assure you, you will feel fulfilled afterward.

    Would you like me to keep you in on a little secret? Notice that each step starts with the word “Do” because that is the main key- taking action.

    We can think, hope, wish, plan all day, but no action will not help us progress. Now, the ball is in your court, let’s see how you will take the shot. Comment below. Until next time dear.

    Always remember,

    You are beautiful, you are worthy and most of all, YOU ARE POWERFUL!