Have you ever had that burning desire to do something and then do it? But fallen flat because you didn’t get the outcome that you wanted? If you answer yes, I wanted to share this blog post, “How to handle every ‘defeat’ with ease.
You’re probably thinking, handling defeat itself is hard enough, then I added handling it ‘with ease’. Bold statement right?
Anyway, this blog post is triggered by my recent journey of joining the Toastmasters International Speech Contest. I joined to test my speaking skills and to continuously grow. I am sharing this with you simply because as I mentioned, this blog post is to share my journey. So, I will continue to do so!
Since it is International, we have to go through the process of elimination. From the club to the area, to the district, and the list goes on.
I was able to move on from the club to the area competition with high hopes that I would be competing in the district competition. I did win third place but not enough to move on to the next level. Now, has this affected me? Yes!
Are you wondering how I’m dealing with it? Read below.
How to handle every “defeat” with ease
- Let the emotion go
- Reflect on the emotion
- Reflect on the incident
- Find ways to improve
Let the emotion go
Sometimes I just need to release my emotions to launch myself to take more actions– Ernie
Handling defeat is hard. Not getting the result that you wanted is painful. It makes you question yourself. These emotions or feelings are normal. I will not say, you shouldn’t feel that way, because despite the mindset shift that I have gone through, I still feel disappointed. Pain. Sadness even. It’s what makes us human. If someone tells you to suck it up and move on, please get away from that person. Or don’t listen to him or her.
This is why the first step in handling defeat is letting the emotions go. Not to tell it to go away. Or sucking it up. But to let it go like crying it out if you feel called to.
Years ago, I used to handle defeat by staying in my room for one night. With a bottle of wine A couple of snacks and sad music. There, I will pour my heart out. And it worked. With a little bit of a headache the next day. But it worked.
I was so happy when John Maxwell, my mentor advised us of a similar rule that he has. The 24-hour rule, He says, despite all the personal growth, we will still have bad days We will still have days where we feel defeated. So, he shared the 24-hour rule. Giving yourself 24 hours to be a mess. Giving yourself space to feel the defeat. The pain. Disappointment. Sadness. Anger even. Let it out.
It’s okay to do this. Again, it’s what makes us human. It is much better to welcome that emotion and release instead of staying in it. Bottling it up. Going on this downward spiral and feeling sorry for yourself.
Please give yourself permission to feel defeated. It’s the only way you will be able to move on in a healthy way.
Reflect on the emotion
Now, the first step in handling defeat is letting the emotions go. And I shared about the 24-hour rule by John Maxwell. But if you’re saying that 24 hours may not be enough. Well, I got you covered.
Read my previous blog post, “Quick Ways to Handle the Inner Voice in your head”. All the things that will be in your mind will come from that inner voice. The doubts. Blame. Frustration. Again, this is normal. It is okay to go through it, but it’s not okay to stay feeling defeated.
In that blog post, I wrote 4 questions to ask yourself when the inner voice is taking over.
- Ask yourself “what does it make me feel?
- Do I want to continue feeling this way?
- What can I do to stop feeling this way?
- When can I start doing something about it?
These questions carried me through my days of defeat, regardless of their intensity. So, I challenge you to utilize it.
Reflect on the incident
Yes, you have to re-live the memory of what happened again. Not to torture you. But for you to see what truly happened.
It’s important to take care of the emotions first. Then go back to what happened. Doing so will increase the possibility that you are more logical and will be able to analyze the situation logically.
Ask these questions:
- What went right?
- What went wrong?
- What could have been done differently?
- How can you improve next time?
Yes, there will be a next time gorgeous because giving up is not an option.
Find ways to improve
Again, personal growth is a journey. There is no finish line. I love this idea because there is no capitation to what we can achieve. No limit to what we can learn.
There you go, these are the ways how to handle defeat with ease. Yes, with ease. What makes it easy is that you allow yourself to be vulnerable. Which then helps you to launch yourself to take more actions moving forward.
Please share this blog post with whomever you think may find value in it. It’s the only way we can spread knowledge.